shifting

i have shifted blog. im no longer writing in here because, oh well, my other blog is meant for privacy. because i never told anyone it existed. but I guess im telling you now. So if you want to read, like for some obscene reason you seem to want to read, or if you're just killing time and you want to read, go here: violetsibirskiy. I'll leave the rest of the link for you smartiepants to figure out. Oh and yeah, whatever you read, you don't say nothing about it. whatever's in there stays there. no commentaries or hatemails or stuffs like that. leave em hatemails here. thanks a million

real dreams

I was on my way back from Abby's when something struck my mind. Okay, fine the intro is cliche. But now I realise that someway somehow, I am in a place where I never thought I will be 5 years ago. Well, honestly, I did daydream about it, and when I daydream, I usually become obsessed with them that I would stallk the little details to make them come true. It's just that I never thought thay'd really come true since you know, being a kid, people always say stuff like, "angan-angan je tu" and stuff like, " it's all in your head, you know you're not gonna be like that" and more oftenly stuff like, " ah you, teruskan je la mimpi you tu.... tak ke mane pun". Yeah so you kinda digest it until your brain interprets every dream to be repulsive, surreal, aint-never-gonna-happen-lady kind of thing. Make it short, they tell you dream=not gonna happen. Or maybe they always thought that mine was so out of the league it would never have happened. Im not here to brag, I've had enough of that and it's not longer fun, but I guess I owe it to myself to say, " hey look at you, you've climbed step by step and you grab your stars one by one, and they say stars are impossible to reach, but you prove people otherwise, but guess what, even if you reach the top, they would still say you're a dreamer because they can't accept that they didn't follow their dream and you did, and you succeeded. Maybe you haven't have it all just yet, because it's no fun to eat candies and drink milkshakes at the same time but you'll get one by one and maybe one day all of them if you keep on flying, keep on trying and as long as you don't decide to bury your dreams and keep them in a box just so you could tell your grandchildren the i-once-had-this-dream stuff, they'll eventually turn to be reality". After all real dreams are made of effort and the chance taken.

me

In another version of life, I am a nocturnal who lives in the city apartment which has big glasses soaring sevent feet tall overseeing the city nightline, on the other side, the beach. And my bedsheets they smell like milk, like babies and lavenders. On my sofa is the remote control for everything, and where I lay I can see the world from above, glancing down at the party people.. Not that I want to join, I'm good here in my confined space. In my other life, I have my tall guy too, the very same one I have in this version of life with and addition of my fluffy kittens. My other version of life, lives in my head.

Life

Life : Is when you fail and get up again.
Life : Is when you make mistakes and admit to them.
Life : Is when you feel pain as much as you feel joy.
Life : Is making up to the mistakes you've done.
Life : Is when you sacrifice, and change for the benefits of not only yourself, but others too.
Life : Is when you forgive and take on the bright side
Life : Is to devote to god and to work hard for life and love


Well, every corner of my life seems to experience that. But ofcourse, I'm not saying I've seen the best of life because I am still purely, just living. In the process to understand life. What concerns me yesterday was how I need to work hard and succeed at everything for my Mom. What concerns me today is tomorow's advertising class. In which I already missed 2 classes, and therefore, the risk of getting a "fail" is there. But I won't make any excuse, It was me and me alone, and I accept that, and the consequence thatcome with it. Well hey, I could learn again and most importantly, not repeat my mistakes. And yes, I have rage. For this and that, if things don't go my way I could bet I'd go throw tantrums. That has to change. I've decided to try best as possible to let go of my anger, to overcome these negative feelings. I really hope, dear god, that you carry me through this life with guidance, and a chance to repent and get back on my knees again, with brave heart.

reincarnation

Yesterday I learn: people can't deal with the whole truth all at once, which is why the Quran is brought down one at a time.

True enough, and we often realise how many mistakes we've done until we lost something. True too.

Both of the above statement is me. I learn if we change for people, we're in for a self-destruction. It eats us from within and than it eats everything else around the destructed. It eats life. I've seen this happening to myself. It eats those I love most, everything from entity, masses and dreams. I've tried so hard to become everything people want me to be, I forgot what I wanted to be.

I guess now only I am ready to change myself. Well I am little bit late, but it was the wake up call I needed. I can't change the past, even if I churn my intestine and heart. But I can mould my future to be a better one. I can't tell people I've changed and what part of me changed. I can only show. So look out world, Im reincarnating, here's a better version of me.

I never will forget though everything that got me this far, my body is full of the tattoos I made with the artist. All of them good, the last one bad, but I like it though, sometimes we need it to feel human. But my skin is stretching still, and as time grows I'll have more to tattoos, I wish one day the same artist will be available to mark a fresh new tattoo down on me, with new inks.


p/s: should've gone to see Slash.

chappy

The morning of July - it has been a while since i have morning blogs. Come to think of it I really have not much of a say. I'd love to say here I am blogging with a cup of tea in my hand, all pumped for college, hair tied up and make up done. Well, I am on my bed, just woke up knowing German lost to Spain in the World cup, and that I have to drive the car tonight? Screw that. I made a bet - wait i didn't. He made a bet that if German loses I'd have to drive, which I said yes to because oh well, I wanted to get back to sleep. So it was unconscious brain talking. If I knew, I'd stay up with caffeine, too bad, I don't consume it. So I guess today is gonna go slow. Yeah right,as if Im gonna let that happen. I have my media law essay to end, I have my advertising to think about, going to schools and stuff. Can't believe I'm going back to my old school. Then there's journalism and research methodology. Assignments, assignments gone may you be.

crash course

Like every normal, NORMAL teenage girl, ofcourse I'd have my celebrity crush. And it ain't Bieber hunneh! Ok fine I like that kid (my boy likes him too, alright, so I have my defense), yeah I'm talking about this dude:
Yeah it's Slash girls and boys and he's coming to Malaysia. I think I would cry if I get to see him, okay that might be a little overdramatic. (stress the little). But I was thinking about buying the tickets for me and my guy and my little brother- wait, I wasn't thinking, I'm definitely buying. Now all I need to do is find out where I could purchase them. Not to mention, I already have the perfect shirt to wear :P Well, not much of a shirt but yeah it'll work. Definitely.

OKAY I ADMIT IM OVERWHELMED ON THE FACT THAT HE'S COMING HERE. I ADORE HIM ALRIGHT??????? SLASH I'M COMING TO SEE YOU! AND JENAN AND AMJAD YOU'RE FOLLOWING ME. I INSIST.

-phew, i finally let that out, and i for the first time have names on blogspot.