the case of undivine nonsense

in life, you may want things to come your way and go as you want to. never in a glimpse you realise that you have no power neither the ability to write your own path. People say you colour your own world, write your own sins, follow your own path but few of us know what we have, what we will have, what we face is just a journey long written. and we are the players with absolute zero power in determining what role we play. I may say, i once said, my future is my own practice. What i feel, how i see things, that's just the type i was created. how many confidence i have in any category of life, it's all been written. The only difference is getting it fast or delaying it. the more you work, the more satisfied you get and that's just it. That is a good reason for why the poor is poorer and the rich gets richer. The power of greed, i may say is powerful enough to make a monster out of a white cloth. a melancholy beast that arose from human's tempted will. For everything that happen in here, is handled by each one of us. So, to be frank, we have no rights actually to blame no one or accuse someone. For its their life and our life is written. It just came to me, that no matter how aching it is, i have nothing to use as my defence

these currents

current status : eating hello panda, practicing guitar, completing song, playing doof.

current thoughts : tomorrow's nad's birthday, i have no presents yet. this night is jamming.

current worries : i can't play here without you clearly. I cant remember solfeges.

current position : in my room, beside my bed.
current mood : fuckingly thirsty, tired yet determined.

current aches : sore eyes, swelling gums.

current needs : i need a hair wash, a pool of ice, lemonade.

current songs : always be my baby, david cook and winter by vivaldi

band site

i just did car crash's myspace.
well.
mecha did most of it....
gosh, this is embarassing....
please feel free to listen to our song.
altho its not completed yet....
there's no vocal yet.
so please bare with us....
anyway,
mecha did this:

sugoii desu ne??

try browsing over here:
www.myspace.com/carcrashbandsite

the ugly and the good

bad news: My dad won't buy me a car.
good news: he suddenly wants to buy me a car.
bad news: my piano's getting worse
good news: I'll be starting class soon. I hope.
bad news: Malaysian studies...I have no idea what its contents are.
good news: I don't have to LISTEN to boring lectures?
bad news: the band still need a vocalist.
good news: we have new songs.
bad news: exam is near
good news: im NOT worried just yet
bad news: im out of ideas
good news: im ending this.

freshie

well.
so i started college. Segi that is. So much to say. So many holes to fill up with. So many new experiences. New friends. New miseries. New problems. New way of settling. new timetable.

I can't wake up as late as i used to. Well, I still do. when i got no class. And nad went with me to the college once. And Im freakin tired ryte now. Mom said she wanted to buy me a new laptop. it doesn't matter to me really. Cuz this one's working just as fine.

Dad says he'll get me a car. Yeah, I think he's slowing down the whole process cuz he's scared that i might go out often when i got one. And that I'd be at home as little as I could. To me, I really need my car. And I come home like everyday. So there's nothing to worry about much. lolx.

So now i drive the pajero every now and then. I even become the driver for "breakfast with family on weekends". And my dad gets frightened, nah, over-worried everytime i drive.
Or was it just once that i drove with him in the car. So i need my own, petite, little car.

There's so many things in life. But i prefer to keep it private. Let myself taste every bit of it. The sweet, the bitter, the sour. The mixture.

Happenings!!!! うつくしhappenings!

Well
its not that much of brags. But i get to see nad. After so long. and i went to see mecha. She's so small. Aha. but cute still. And I like her shoes. or was it sneakers? But i love em. Lolx.

Also. Im starting college next monday. And my dad finally decided not to buy me a car. I think he made up his mind. Cuz he wanted me to use the pajero. I was like "eh??" "you serious??"
He even offered me to drive the merc yesterday. I want to. But I think it's far better if I just stay at home. Haha. My mom says there's no "P" on the merc. Plus, she won't let me drive the merc. Cuz the reversing part is killing. It is.

Im driving a big car. And i just got my license. And i drive back home safe. Even tho i almost hit a motorbike. Woah, Im great! aha. I have to admit. im A little too over-worried. Whatever that means. Or maybe cuz i was driving my dad's 4wD!! But I'll pull it thru. haha.

So i decided. Im not gonna drive to college until i can really handle that car. Or if im ever gonna get a new one.

Ow yeah, I fuckingly need a new pair of jeans. I do. And nad says I look eerily thin. I wanna be a bit fat. But i don't want bulging tummy. And now I'm working on a flat tyre. It isn't working yet. It's only flat when i woke up in the morning. lolx. Ow yeah, and i would love some sweatshirts. really need them. I don't want to wear just t-shirts all the time.
Long sleeves seem pretty well nice too.

Numbs

Its currently 11:50 a.m.
Im nothing like yesterday. I got my results. wasn't the best. But satisfying enough.
I've been thinking. I know what i want in life. Don't I? I've got college waiting ahead. I've got my guitar. Ive got my piano. i've got something promising ahead. Should i really waste my time thinking minor stuffs? Although I cant help it. I feel like a cigaratte or two will do it. But again, is it really a compulsory?

It was 12:36 a.m.
I felt offended. And that just puts me in a swinging unstable ride. Although i shouldn't care much. Since it wasn't my wrongdoings. But I couldn't help the feeling of being untrusted. No. I was totally being blamed. For a girl who just happened to be someone special.

It's currently 11:57 a.m.
Am i special for anyone. anyone at all? because nobody ever told me that. People say it. But has no intention of showing it. Am i really that someone? I can't have a convincing answer for that. Because I'm not sure where i stand myself.

It was 11:00 a.m.
Should i trust peoples words? Should I trust anybody at all? I want to. But bad things always seem to block me. Am i really it? Or just a toy? Or maybe a substitute? or maybe someone easily fooled? By anyone?

It is currently 12:03 p.m.
I want to go out. I wanna drive fast. I no longer know where i stand. Not because of peoples talk.Simply because the truth of everyones feelings. i am really hurt. Really offended.

It was nearly midnight.
It was the best night. I really had it kept. I really think of it until i nearly fall asleep. it was. Until something crushed it. But i was happy.