me

In another version of life, I am a nocturnal who lives in the city apartment which has big glasses soaring sevent feet tall overseeing the city nightline, on the other side, the beach. And my bedsheets they smell like milk, like babies and lavenders. On my sofa is the remote control for everything, and where I lay I can see the world from above, glancing down at the party people.. Not that I want to join, I'm good here in my confined space. In my other life, I have my tall guy too, the very same one I have in this version of life with and addition of my fluffy kittens. My other version of life, lives in my head.

Life

Life : Is when you fail and get up again.
Life : Is when you make mistakes and admit to them.
Life : Is when you feel pain as much as you feel joy.
Life : Is making up to the mistakes you've done.
Life : Is when you sacrifice, and change for the benefits of not only yourself, but others too.
Life : Is when you forgive and take on the bright side
Life : Is to devote to god and to work hard for life and love


Well, every corner of my life seems to experience that. But ofcourse, I'm not saying I've seen the best of life because I am still purely, just living. In the process to understand life. What concerns me yesterday was how I need to work hard and succeed at everything for my Mom. What concerns me today is tomorow's advertising class. In which I already missed 2 classes, and therefore, the risk of getting a "fail" is there. But I won't make any excuse, It was me and me alone, and I accept that, and the consequence thatcome with it. Well hey, I could learn again and most importantly, not repeat my mistakes. And yes, I have rage. For this and that, if things don't go my way I could bet I'd go throw tantrums. That has to change. I've decided to try best as possible to let go of my anger, to overcome these negative feelings. I really hope, dear god, that you carry me through this life with guidance, and a chance to repent and get back on my knees again, with brave heart.

reincarnation

Yesterday I learn: people can't deal with the whole truth all at once, which is why the Quran is brought down one at a time.

True enough, and we often realise how many mistakes we've done until we lost something. True too.

Both of the above statement is me. I learn if we change for people, we're in for a self-destruction. It eats us from within and than it eats everything else around the destructed. It eats life. I've seen this happening to myself. It eats those I love most, everything from entity, masses and dreams. I've tried so hard to become everything people want me to be, I forgot what I wanted to be.

I guess now only I am ready to change myself. Well I am little bit late, but it was the wake up call I needed. I can't change the past, even if I churn my intestine and heart. But I can mould my future to be a better one. I can't tell people I've changed and what part of me changed. I can only show. So look out world, Im reincarnating, here's a better version of me.

I never will forget though everything that got me this far, my body is full of the tattoos I made. All of them good, the last one bad, but I like it though, sometimes we need it to feel human. But my skin is stretching still, and as time grows I'll have more to tattoos, I wish one day a new artist will be available to mark a fresh new tattoo down on me, with new inks.


p/s: should've gone to see Slash.

Fire!

You can't say Bruce Springsteen didn't once made you melt. At an age like this, he sure still has it.
Fire - one of my favourite of his :)

As I grow

I've come to discover that when I was little I sulk a lot. Like really a lot, I sulk whenever things don't go my way, and I cry at the littlest pain, yeah and people could drown in my tears if I were to feel pains - with the s, plural form, as in saying many.

Now that i've reach adulthood (while saying this, please note that i'm still in doubt if I'm fit enough to be called an adult), point is, now I can cry at almost everything, I mean, small pain don't and won't cost me tears, I almost just get over it, or as hard as I try to force, my tears just won't budge out. But I could cry at watching movies, reading stories, and of course, when I feel like I've failed.

My tears flow while I was watching My Name is Khan, well because, it's touchy enough to see how the Muslims withstand hatred from people around after the event of 9/11. I cried at watching Adamaya, because it's touchy too see a wife begging for forgiveness from his husband. Then i cried at watching Lovely Bones because, i was raged at the heartless killer. Point is, I guess, as I grew it's easier for me to imagine myself in such situations, it's easier for me to relate to people even.

I mean as I grew, I realise more than ever that I can't be selfish. Whatever suffering I go through, obstacles I need to overtake, whatever hurricane and storm I need to withstand, I am never alone, infact there might be someone out there facing worse. I learnt that at times we need to follow our heart, but sometimes emotions kill. And that's when the brain takes over. I've realised too, emotions could swallow us deep into a sinkhole, but wisdom could only tell us how to live.

Joyride disaster

I read about the fifteen year old boy who was shot to death by a policeman. The first I heard about the story was the night I cam home late. The first thing my dad told me, after I shook his hand. That was when I had my questions answered. All the way back I was thinking, why are my parents being overworried tonight. Because a schoolboy was shot by the one we thought were to protect us. I have met good policemen, but it's sad to learn that this one policeman had to spoil all the good works of all the policemen in Malaysia. Im sorry, but that's how the people sees it. They want justice, because every criminal gets a trial, even worst criminals get trials, and they will not have death sentence until fully investigated. But Aminulrasyid never got the trial he deserved. I joined every group supporting him on facebook. Some how what happened to him stroke me hard. Maybe because my brother used to know him, maybe because my brother was the same age of him, maybe because I know what it feels like when you're involved in an accident, how scared you are, and how the only thing on your mind was getting home as soon as possible, eventhough in my case, I was the one who got hit by another car, but Icouldn't imagine how scared I was at that time, and I have my license and I am nineteen. So I would imagine a fifteen year old would have every reason in the wolrd to be scared.

I browsed to his photos, posted by his school friends, and I shed tears. I actually cried. We used to hear parents say, "If you're in trouble find the nearest police station, or find a policeman". This past two days though, I've heard a lot of friends saying the advice they received from their parents, "If you collide with a policeman, be careful". Now it's upside down. I do believe policemen are good. I've collided with these good men. But somehow, the one who shot the kid, he needs to be look at. I mean, he is the reason why everyone is so mad at policemen in general.

I think deep down, people are all just scared. Because they gave their lives and trust to the policemen. I believe the school kid too, gave his life and trust, his life was robbed with a gunshot, a gunshot by A POLICEMAN. When all the A-listed criminals enjoy life, he got shot. The school boy, like most teenagers would experience, is just being a teenager, anxious in life, taking a joyride with friends, tell me how bad is that? It's only a normal teenager. Sneaking out behind parent's back. But he got shot. No trials, no defense, just a gunshot.

I think what I'm trying to say is, not all policemen are bad, some of them are really dedicated and fair. It's just the one who fired the shot to a kid in a housing area. Since we can never hear the boy's side of the story, let's clean his name. Don't make up storries about him. Be fair

My brother told me he was famous in school because of this green sneakers. He was an active school boy. Somehow in my heart, I think if you were given the chance, you will do great things kid. Maybe god took you to save you from the world's evil.

Al-fatihah

Surprise surprise

Right when I didn't expect to, caught up in weariness,
the tiresome the world created, I found you.
In the middle of tons of the urban's wilderness,
In between traffic lights, and soaring concretes,
I caught you at glimpse, yet you trance so gracefully,
You ushered me forward to the dreams I'm keen chasing,
And then a smile rushed and completed my entity.
It's your glaring eyes, with diamond-like sparkles,
It's your swift walks, how you serenade the wind,
It's your body and soul manouvering like ying-yang,
It's how you make it easy and brief,
and how you make my young veins pump ecstatically.
If I were to decide, you won't ever leave my sight.

Dear Audi TT, you made me smile in the hectic evening traffic, why do i have to see you in Subang Jaya? I will own you one day.