reincarnation

Yesterday I learn: people can't deal with the whole truth all at once, which is why the Quran is brought down one at a time.

True enough, and we often realise how many mistakes we've done until we lost something. True too.

Both of the above statement is me. I learn if we change for people, we're in for a self-destruction. It eats us from within and than it eats everything else around the destructed. It eats life. I've seen this happening to myself. It eats those I love most, everything from entity, masses and dreams. I've tried so hard to become everything people want me to be, I forgot what I wanted to be.

I guess now only I am ready to change myself. Well I am little bit late, but it was the wake up call I needed. I can't change the past, even if I churn my intestine and heart. But I can mould my future to be a better one. I can't tell people I've changed and what part of me changed. I can only show. So look out world, Im reincarnating, here's a better version of me.

I never will forget though everything that got me this far, my body is full of the tattoos I made. All of them good, the last one bad, but I like it though, sometimes we need it to feel human. But my skin is stretching still, and as time grows I'll have more to tattoos, I wish one day a new artist will be available to mark a fresh new tattoo down on me, with new inks.


p/s: should've gone to see Slash.

Fire!

You can't say Bruce Springsteen didn't once made you melt. At an age like this, he sure still has it.
Fire - one of my favourite of his :)

As I grow

I've come to discover that when I was little I sulk a lot. Like really a lot, I sulk whenever things don't go my way, and I cry at the littlest pain, yeah and people could drown in my tears if I were to feel pains - with the s, plural form, as in saying many.

Now that i've reach adulthood (while saying this, please note that i'm still in doubt if I'm fit enough to be called an adult), point is, now I can cry at almost everything, I mean, small pain don't and won't cost me tears, I almost just get over it, or as hard as I try to force, my tears just won't budge out. But I could cry at watching movies, reading stories, and of course, when I feel like I've failed.

My tears flow while I was watching My Name is Khan, well because, it's touchy enough to see how the Muslims withstand hatred from people around after the event of 9/11. I cried at watching Adamaya, because it's touchy too see a wife begging for forgiveness from his husband. Then i cried at watching Lovely Bones because, i was raged at the heartless killer. Point is, I guess, as I grew it's easier for me to imagine myself in such situations, it's easier for me to relate to people even.

I mean as I grew, I realise more than ever that I can't be selfish. Whatever suffering I go through, obstacles I need to overtake, whatever hurricane and storm I need to withstand, I am never alone, infact there might be someone out there facing worse. I learnt that at times we need to follow our heart, but sometimes emotions kill. And that's when the brain takes over. I've realised too, emotions could swallow us deep into a sinkhole, but wisdom could only tell us how to live.

Joyride disaster

I read about the fifteen year old boy who was shot to death by a policeman. The first I heard about the story was the night I cam home late. The first thing my dad told me, after I shook his hand. That was when I had my questions answered. All the way back I was thinking, why are my parents being overworried tonight. Because a schoolboy was shot by the one we thought were to protect us. I have met good policemen, but it's sad to learn that this one policeman had to spoil all the good works of all the policemen in Malaysia. Im sorry, but that's how the people sees it. They want justice, because every criminal gets a trial, even worst criminals get trials, and they will not have death sentence until fully investigated. But Aminulrasyid never got the trial he deserved. I joined every group supporting him on facebook. Some how what happened to him stroke me hard. Maybe because my brother used to know him, maybe because my brother was the same age of him, maybe because I know what it feels like when you're involved in an accident, how scared you are, and how the only thing on your mind was getting home as soon as possible, eventhough in my case, I was the one who got hit by another car, but Icouldn't imagine how scared I was at that time, and I have my license and I am nineteen. So I would imagine a fifteen year old would have every reason in the wolrd to be scared.

I browsed to his photos, posted by his school friends, and I shed tears. I actually cried. We used to hear parents say, "If you're in trouble find the nearest police station, or find a policeman". This past two days though, I've heard a lot of friends saying the advice they received from their parents, "If you collide with a policeman, be careful". Now it's upside down. I do believe policemen are good. I've collided with these good men. But somehow, the one who shot the kid, he needs to be look at. I mean, he is the reason why everyone is so mad at policemen in general.

I think deep down, people are all just scared. Because they gave their lives and trust to the policemen. I believe the school kid too, gave his life and trust, his life was robbed with a gunshot, a gunshot by A POLICEMAN. When all the A-listed criminals enjoy life, he got shot. The school boy, like most teenagers would experience, is just being a teenager, anxious in life, taking a joyride with friends, tell me how bad is that? It's only a normal teenager. Sneaking out behind parent's back. But he got shot. No trials, no defense, just a gunshot.

I think what I'm trying to say is, not all policemen are bad, some of them are really dedicated and fair. It's just the one who fired the shot to a kid in a housing area. Since we can never hear the boy's side of the story, let's clean his name. Don't make up storries about him. Be fair

My brother told me he was famous in school because of this green sneakers. He was an active school boy. Somehow in my heart, I think if you were given the chance, you will do great things kid. Maybe god took you to save you from the world's evil.

Al-fatihah

Surprise surprise

Right when I didn't expect to, caught up in weariness,
the tiresome the world created, I found you.
In the middle of tons of the urban's wilderness,
In between traffic lights, and soaring concretes,
I caught you at glimpse, yet you trance so gracefully,
You ushered me forward to the dreams I'm keen chasing,
And then a smile rushed and completed my entity.
It's your glaring eyes, with diamond-like sparkles,
It's your swift walks, how you serenade the wind,
It's your body and soul manouvering like ying-yang,
It's how you make it easy and brief,
and how you make my young veins pump ecstatically.
If I were to decide, you won't ever leave my sight.

Dear Audi TT, you made me smile in the hectic evening traffic, why do i have to see you in Subang Jaya? I will own you one day.

Im not wishing

Yes, Im not wishing. These are just the list of things I want, and I aimed to get before I turn 30, which means I have a ten years duration.

Epiphone Futura, one of the explorers I obsessed on. Still want to have the jackson explorer signature series, and the PRS 25th anniversary Santana in purple.

This is the mercedes SLS AMG. I want it so bad. I need to have a mercedes. I've been obsessing over it since I was a little girl.

And this is the Mercedes R-class. I want it to be my band's official ride.

I may sound absurd and far-off lost in fairy land to you, but I really will make sure I work hard enough to own and deserve these beauties. Because someone told me yesterday, to just give it all out and to believe, and to act like a winner to be one. That's exactly what I'm going to do :)

Then you wouldn't call me a dreamer.

bag of brags

I think the week has been good to me. Incase, and I know, you would hate to hear brags, well here's the thing, this is an entry full of bags of brags. Now that I've warn, do not send me hatemail if you think I'm being such a narcissist.

Come on, I think I deserve to brag. Shewolves sold out their first few copies in two days, and I made a hundred percent profit at my ice-cream booth, and I bought something fun at the pharmacy, and I scored highest in my class test, well, one of the class. And.... and.. and there's a lot of good happenings lately. But the proudest, would have to be the marks I got. Don't blame me, I was raised in a family where those percentage means a lot, it did got me well though, not that I am complaining.

Oh and did I tell you I got my full license? No more P's for me (wide smile). Yeah, and with all the good news I heard of something unfortunate that happened to a friend of mine yesterday.

She got snatched, infront of her teacher's house, well, not infront, in the house premise, She entered the gate, and the thief had a knife. Gosh, I really am glad she's okay. But take a look at this, she was snatched in a house premise. So what now? Your own yard isn't save? And not to mention the alarm was on immediately after she was attacked, but then what? I think securities should be doubled in secluded areas, lights should be installed so if ever it came to worst, atleast it's light enough to see the face of the culprit. Or maybe, they could put up a special force, ones who would react to alarms in the housing area. We need more creative idea to be safe. The bad guys are always creative, they're smart enough to figure out a way at least. I think we should figure out a way for safer place, something out of the box, something we've never thought of.

Come on, what are they thinking? You would risk killing a life for money? How do you live with that? Seriously.