Thursday, November 20, 2008

my point

whoever is reading,
please note that, this is a post where i would just like to clear up all the dust inside my squeezed brain. It told me to let go of somethings, as it can no longer hold it in for me. Where should I start? Should I start from the meaning of friends to me? Acquaintance. To me, is a big thing. Knowing people is one thing. Befriending a person is another. I can say I'm a person that really cherish friendship. To me, there's no such word as fight or ignorance in friendship. But then again, not everyone shares the same dictionary. Yes, I just had one hell of a day. These last 2 weeks, I've been feeling gloomy. Maybe people didn't notice. I hope they don't. I intend to hide it. I have to admit I'm already getting tired. Wish i could find something to ooze me back. Being honest, a lot of things ought to put me right back on my conscious. Maybe It's just me that needs a little alone time. People are hard to satisfy. I know it as a fact. But I still try to satisfy as much people as I could. Not saying that I wanted to be in or steal the spotlight. I just love being around people. They usually would make me forget all my downs. Right now though, I'm not so sure. Did I say I needed to be alone? Well maybe I do. Maybe I just need a quick glance. Or maybe, I just need to find something really hard that would really booze me up =)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I woke up at 1 today. I woke up feeling good. It's been long since i really wake up late. My plan though, was just staying in bed. Only to find out a news that had me lost it. How do you know when you should let go of something? Or hold on to it? I know I can't be selfish. I can't forget easily. Should i try forgetting? His life and mine, we're standing on thread, that hangs 10feet above ground. He might save me, but he'll be unsure of his life. I can save him too, but I'll have to let go of him. Than I can be sure he's okay and I am. Physically, he'll be okay. Emotionally? I kept thinking about that. I even asked myself, will I be okay without him. I have no answers for my questions. I wish I'm spoon fed with the answers. But wishes don't always come true, don't it? And, i might regret what I wish for. My mind is working hard, but my body has stopped working. I am currently, in coma. I have no lust, my only want is to runaway to an island of strangers. I'm a coward am I? And I know I will regret running away. I just don't want to hurt a human being.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


So here I am again. After so long not being here.
Dear blog, you'll die in boredom if I tell you what happened to me. Yes, I've started new semester. College? Its fun to be honest. But somehow i'd just like to get back to the times when there's me, nad and the world. Things were so much easier back than. I guess it was my bad, for wishing to be a grown up. You got it Fina, and so the troubles awaits you. Yes, i got side tracked for a while. Too lost. Knowing a lot of people is fun. But taking care of one's feeling isn't easy. if you're not willing to sacrifice your life for them, than it's okay. But it's not okay to make them wait. I've never thought I'd be caught up in this intertwined mess i started. Well, I didn't meant to make a mess. Sometimes you just do what's right for the moment. Now I can frankly say I'm a mess. But i try not to show it. Ive been threatened with my life. Who could put a blank face when they know the edge is so near? Or unsure what will happen next? Nad had made it possible for me to do that. Lolx. Yes, she's my strength. Im her weakness. Guess that's what bestfriends do. Feeling it and hiding it for each other. But that's not the biggest thing just yet. i have a lot of doubts. I hate not knowing what is right and wrong and not being able to decide. Yes, I wish i had a morphine so I could drift and dream of living somewhere no one knows anyone. I dreamt of going to a ball full of strangers, where everyone's a mask and no one knows who that someone really is. Will you be able to really read people's heart? Whether they really are good or evil? Questions i wish I could answer. But I know these impossibles, So, i guess, I'll just do what's best for the moment. i'll just do what my red pumping muscle tells me to. What my body longs to and my minds need.