Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
<--This, is what im trying to show. such a cutie. Apparently as it seems, this boy seems to prefer chasing after the pigeons rather than looking at me. Such a sad thing. But im surrounded by cute toddlers, so i wouldnt mind much. XD
Big dissapointment, no snow. I am a bit relieved because i went to the ski resort and went to the middle of the skiing range- its like locking yourself in the freezer. Worse. i can't feel my fingers, my toes felt like they just broke and I didn't notice. Im freezing and longing for a hot towel. So i gave up and ran back inside. Not as warm as i thought it would be. I wanted to run back to the hotel room, but I ended up waiting for them to finish.
3 layers of clothes and it still feels so cold, no, its freezing.
On the first day we only went skiing. I was hanging on on caffeine as I didn't get enough sleep. The second day there, was a sightseeing and heavy walking on Mount Sorak. It actually is quite beautiful. I actually lost words. I'll just paste pictures I took on the scenes. You should see. The sky is blue. Really blue!
Clockwise from left: a view of Seoul from a mosque high above ground, the ski resort, Mount Sorak, roof of the empire's palace; with dragon carved on it, looks like a Tiki, i do not know what it is until now, the mountain at the ski resort.
So. I went strawberry picking, went to the fish market, went to eat its waffles, which is so tempting, i ate it over and over again. Talk about food, you've got to see the cakes.<--- This is cute.
On top of the fact that its purple. --->
Its cute. It gets better!
Yeah well, The most exciting part is the Seoul Tower. Its such a pretty thing up there. You should see. I'll go up there someday, again. There's like couples and families everywhere. Well, nothing weird about that obviously, only that they gave you a penny for the thought. A kind of feeling where you feel like embracing someone so tight you don't want to let them go, then just stare at the lights below from above. Just like heaven, almost.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
ONE.If your lover betrayed you, how will you react?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Here's the funny part. Me and Amjad (the all grown up brother) got so bored waiting for Mama to pay we had to find something to prevent us from dozing off. So here is what we did.
Yes, we were trying on apparels and sadly just posing with it. lol.
Okay, so Mama took us to Ichiban Ramen. yeah, I only at eyh.... ebi something. But my drink was delicious. watermelon+green tea. =D
Yeah, I was going round and round.I also had a crush on a guitar I saw there, esp ltd EX-260. Yes baby, it's my new obsession. I wish. O, how I wish, i would afford to own it.
So I had myself filled with the dreams of owning it. Yeah, I've not much to say anyway.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
please note that, this is a post where i would just like to clear up all the dust inside my squeezed brain. It told me to let go of somethings, as it can no longer hold it in for me. Where should I start? Should I start from the meaning of friends to me? Acquaintance. To me, is a big thing. Knowing people is one thing. Befriending a person is another. I can say I'm a person that really cherish friendship. To me, there's no such word as fight or ignorance in friendship. But then again, not everyone shares the same dictionary. Yes, I just had one hell of a day. These last 2 weeks, I've been feeling gloomy. Maybe people didn't notice. I hope they don't. I intend to hide it. I have to admit I'm already getting tired. Wish i could find something to ooze me back. Being honest, a lot of things ought to put me right back on my conscious. Maybe It's just me that needs a little alone time. People are hard to satisfy. I know it as a fact. But I still try to satisfy as much people as I could. Not saying that I wanted to be in or steal the spotlight. I just love being around people. They usually would make me forget all my downs. Right now though, I'm not so sure. Did I say I needed to be alone? Well maybe I do. Maybe I just need a quick glance. Or maybe, I just need to find something really hard that would really booze me up =)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Dear blog, you'll die in boredom if I tell you what happened to me. Yes, I've started new semester. College? Its fun to be honest. But somehow i'd just like to get back to the times when there's me, nad and the world. Things were so much easier back than. I guess it was my bad, for wishing to be a grown up. You got it Fina, and so the troubles awaits you. Yes, i got side tracked for a while. Too lost. Knowing a lot of people is fun. But taking care of one's feeling isn't easy. if you're not willing to sacrifice your life for them, than it's okay. But it's not okay to make them wait. I've never thought I'd be caught up in this intertwined mess i started. Well, I didn't meant to make a mess. Sometimes you just do what's right for the moment. Now I can frankly say I'm a mess. But i try not to show it. Ive been threatened with my life. Who could put a blank face when they know the edge is so near? Or unsure what will happen next? Nad had made it possible for me to do that. Lolx. Yes, she's my strength. Im her weakness. Guess that's what bestfriends do. Feeling it and hiding it for each other. But that's not the biggest thing just yet. i have a lot of doubts. I hate not knowing what is right and wrong and not being able to decide. Yes, I wish i had a morphine so I could drift and dream of living somewhere no one knows anyone. I dreamt of going to a ball full of strangers, where everyone's a mask and no one knows who that someone really is. Will you be able to really read people's heart? Whether they really are good or evil? Questions i wish I could answer. But I know these impossibles, So, i guess, I'll just do what's best for the moment. i'll just do what my red pumping muscle tells me to. What my body longs to and my minds need.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
"I was not ready for this, I am still not." Her heart says.
She's just a girl, that needs to see and feel so much more fun and ups and downs.
Where was the time when running away is always better? She asks herself.
Nobody answers. they are all hiding it from her. Afraid she might be bruised. Afraid she might fall. Afraid she might lose guide. Little they realize, they use to had that.
So why can't she? Why can't she bruise like the use to? Why can't she feel what they felt? Why cant she taste what they taste?Because they already know what it taste that they forbid her. because they just realize those are the useless.
but why won't they let her feel it herself?life is about discovery. yes, it is. It was, until now. She wanted to go back, to the times when she was so selfish. So selfish that she cry everyday, But always had the best of time with no regrets. No regrets. She feels that a lot now. She regrets. Something she never did. Something she never know she could do.
Why won't they let her be? Why do they want her to grow up so fast?
"Im not so feeble, You cannot treat me like this." She scream, but only she could hearShe is happy now. But there is something like a lost missing puzzle waiting to be attached. Something. She wants to find it. They lock it somewhere, she is sure. But they never let her have it. They think its for the best. They think. She just think she might collapse, and wake up again to leave everything she knew, Just to find someone or something that would let her have her missing piece.
Monday, August 4, 2008
They are always passionate and though I am nothing compared to them, as I can be selfish and self-centered sometimes. They make me feel calm for the fact that world still has tolerance, they tend to make me self-reflect.
I love being around goofers.
When they talk, no matter in what way, people laugh and they laugh with them.
Giving me the comfort to forget every tied-up knot there is.
I love being around hardworkers.
Though I am not as hardworking, they tend to have a positive impact on me.
For that I am willing to do more just to be more.
I love being around silly-smarties.
These kind of people are smart but not nerds. Meaning, they understand the words I say and I understand theirs. Plus, they rarely talk trash and things that are too unimportant to care.
I love being around people that loves to talk and listen.
They always lit up the environment, but never annoying. they know when to stop and listen and just the right time to talk.
I love being around people with so many experience.
May be the elders, or a young kid, or any normal person. When they speak up of an adventure, they are living it again and bringing you with it.
I love being around people that mind their own bussiness.
because they always tell me to mind my own. And never interefere with my private little space. They are also the ones to make a better feeling. And is always the positive thinker.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Had a life a normal life?
Had I even had a life?
Questions I may asked in the future.
When my grand daughter suddenly ask,
"granny, what was your life like?"
Then only I shall begin my story.
To think back. Yes, I lived a life. Just like every living creature do.
What did i do today? I watched Batman. It hit me there. How humans are easily fooled by a no one.
Even the greatest kind-hearts would slaughter for their owns. How easily the well-planned villains die because of their greed.
There i thought. We all carry the deadly sins. These that turns back against us. There i know. The devil only said the right words. It is our actions and need that condemn us.
I am trying as hard as I can to control me. But sometimes, a lot of things took over me. my ego, my greed, my lust, my emotions. Like every other human. Hey, why do you think John Lennon was shot? He didn't even know his killer.
All because of selfishness. All because human are selfish. I am too I admit. And when I saw the movie, I asked myself, what would I do if I was in the ferry? There it is just you and death. You decide. You do it yourself and bear the consequence. Nothing else helps you. Not your workers, not your bribed policeman, not your money, Not your fame. Just you. You choose to pull the trigger.
So lets not ask who is who or what is what. if my grand daughter ask me the question one day. i'll simply say;
"I lived a life full of good and bad. Just like you. Maybe for a different reason. Maybe a different content. But the same skeleton. Where sins run free and deeds are nearly extinct. Where I share my joy and tears and pray to god for peace and serenity. Where I play hard just to live another day"
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Finally finding something to write about me.
Ive been doing some self-reflection.
Here's a true fact about me.
Facts that only those who study me knows.
Im an egoistic bitch.
My ego range from 40% to 70%.
Depending on the people.
I hate cute-actors.
Mind what i say.
I didnt mean cute looking people.
I meant people that always act cute.
If it were legal, I'd go kill them all.
I hate attention seekers.
They are always bitches.
They always want what's yours.
Im a jealous brat.
I get jealous all the time.
I only show it to certain people.
People I care especially.
I love to hate.
I can hate someone for stupid reasons.
Mostly related to my life.
I get annoyed easily.
Especially with those I really care
Also for simple reasons.
They always give me bigger troubles.
I love holding grudges.
It makes me grin with satisfaction.
it makes me seek for the best revenge.
I don't like lectures on who i should be.
I think they should go die.
Or maybe they should try lecturing themselves.
Im easily attract.
Sometimes it gives me trouble.
But natural attractions are hard to ignore.
I don't like people wandering around my belonging.
I don't feel safe when they do that.
I keep my belonging secure.
I easily feel threatened.
So i tend to not trust anyone.
It takes time for me to do that.
I hate guys that hit girls.
I think they are useless.
I think they don't deserve to have a girl.
I dont like my copy-cats.
It is annoying.
i don't see it as a compliment.
i see it as a disgrace.
I can change myself.
In order to keep my belongings.
but i won't change for a no-one.
It also takes time.
So fuck it, be patient.
I don't like waiting.
It always turns me off.
Only Nad has the best idea to get me on track.
I tend to repeat my mistake.
It is my weakness.
Please accept me as I am.
And please be aware that it's not always.
I hate threats.
They should just do it.
Rather than filling me with uncomfortable.
I love sorry.
But it's hard to swallow in.
I can't change in a second.
I can be okay when I feel like it.
So nobody pushes me.
Or it'll just worsen.
I try to be less jealous.
I should get trust.
I will in some time.
But please bare with me until I do.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Im so touched by this one. A blind young girl, her only entertainment is the piano. She only speaks to the piano, She hears the piano. Not intentioning to ignore the world and what she had become. She never intend to quit. Music is her everything.
Guys, this is touching.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Would you just look at this precious thing. And having to see it but not touching it is even more painful. Gosh, when will i own it! haha. Fellas, this is gretsch. Don't ask me why it's so beautiful. It is made to be lustful. Im already lost of words. Anybody care enough to get me one? Haha. It only cost a couple thousands. Well, it's cheaper than a car for sure. Look at its every aspect. And wait till you hear it. Freggin, Why do people create such guitar in such expensive price?
Monday, June 30, 2008
i just saw someone fake.
and I know she's a fake pathetic kid.
Cause she steal a picture of my cousin's and edited it with words so it look like hers.
Yes, i know stealing photo's is almost normal on myspace. But duh, get a life. Your famous because of someone else's picture. That is LAME!!
here's my cousins link:
And here's the bimbo's. Sorry for being harsh. I hate it when people steals another people's identity:
now here's the picture she copied:
And this is the original:
this is ija. her name is ija.
For god's sake its only a picture taken from a phone cam. Its not like its being done professionally.
Okay so that's the end of this stealing thingy. People, Dont ever steal people's picture.
Especially when you know you'll get caught!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
and Im currently listening to Go! Go! 7188's 浮舟。haha.
That girl rocks. Ow, I forgot their names.
Okay, my current worry, can I get my assignment done?
well, frankly i think i can.
And frankly, I have nothing to write.
i got a new laptop?
Dell, to be exact. And i love the sound system. haha.
ow yeah, currently listening back to all of Marilyn Manson's.
So yeah, no new photos.
Uh, I went jamming at a new studio in... uh.. ampang?
i dunno. don't quite remember it. But the studio's way too nice.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
current thoughts : tomorrow's nad's birthday, i have no presents yet. this night is jamming.
current worries : i can't play here without you clearly. I cant remember solfeges.
current position : in my room, beside my bed.
current mood : fuckingly thirsty, tired yet determined.
current aches : sore eyes, swelling gums.
current needs : i need a hair wash, a pool of ice, lemonade.
current songs : always be my baby, david cook and winter by vivaldi
Friday, May 9, 2008
mecha did most of it....
gosh, this is embarassing....
please feel free to listen to our song.
altho its not completed yet....
there's no vocal yet.
so please bare with us....
mecha did this:
Sunday, April 20, 2008
good news: he suddenly wants to buy me a car.
bad news: my piano's getting worse
good news: I'll be starting class soon. I hope.
bad news: Malaysian studies...I have no idea what its contents are.
good news: I don't have to LISTEN to boring lectures?
bad news: the band still need a vocalist.
good news: we have new songs.
bad news: exam is near
good news: im NOT worried just yet
bad news: im out of ideas
good news: im ending this.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
so i started college. Segi that is. So much to say. So many holes to fill up with. So many new experiences. New friends. New miseries. New problems. New way of settling. new timetable.
I can't wake up as late as i used to. Well, I still do. when i got no class. And nad went with me to the college once. And Im freakin tired ryte now. Mom said she wanted to buy me a new laptop. it doesn't matter to me really. Cuz this one's working just as fine.
Dad says he'll get me a car. Yeah, I think he's slowing down the whole process cuz he's scared that i might go out often when i got one. And that I'd be at home as little as I could. To me, I really need my car. And I come home like everyday. So there's nothing to worry about much. lolx.
So now i drive the pajero every now and then. I even become the driver for "breakfast with family on weekends". And my dad gets frightened, nah, over-worried everytime i drive.
Or was it just once that i drove with him in the car. So i need my own, petite, little car.
There's so many things in life. But i prefer to keep it private. Let myself taste every bit of it. The sweet, the bitter, the sour. The mixture.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
its not that much of brags. But i get to see nad. After so long. and i went to see mecha. She's so small. Aha. but cute still. And I like her shoes. or was it sneakers? But i love em. Lolx.
Also. Im starting college next monday. And my dad finally decided not to buy me a car. I think he made up his mind. Cuz he wanted me to use the pajero. I was like "eh??" "you serious??"
He even offered me to drive the merc yesterday. I want to. But I think it's far better if I just stay at home. Haha. My mom says there's no "P" on the merc. Plus, she won't let me drive the merc. Cuz the reversing part is killing. It is.
Im driving a big car. And i just got my license. And i drive back home safe. Even tho i almost hit a motorbike. Woah, Im great! aha. I have to admit. im A little too over-worried. Whatever that means. Or maybe cuz i was driving my dad's 4wD!! But I'll pull it thru. haha.
So i decided. Im not gonna drive to college until i can really handle that car. Or if im ever gonna get a new one.
Ow yeah, I fuckingly need a new pair of jeans. I do. And nad says I look eerily thin. I wanna be a bit fat. But i don't want bulging tummy. And now I'm working on a flat tyre. It isn't working yet. It's only flat when i woke up in the morning. lolx. Ow yeah, and i would love some sweatshirts. really need them. I don't want to wear just t-shirts all the time.
Long sleeves seem pretty well nice too.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Im nothing like yesterday. I got my results. wasn't the best. But satisfying enough.
I've been thinking. I know what i want in life. Don't I? I've got college waiting ahead. I've got my guitar. Ive got my piano. i've got something promising ahead. Should i really waste my time thinking minor stuffs? Although I cant help it. I feel like a cigaratte or two will do it. But again, is it really a compulsory?
It was 12:36 a.m.
I felt offended. And that just puts me in a swinging unstable ride. Although i shouldn't care much. Since it wasn't my wrongdoings. But I couldn't help the feeling of being untrusted. No. I was totally being blamed. For a girl who just happened to be someone special.
It's currently 11:57 a.m.
Am i special for anyone. anyone at all? because nobody ever told me that. People say it. But has no intention of showing it. Am i really that someone? I can't have a convincing answer for that. Because I'm not sure where i stand myself.
It was 11:00 a.m.
Should i trust peoples words? Should I trust anybody at all? I want to. But bad things always seem to block me. Am i really it? Or just a toy? Or maybe a substitute? or maybe someone easily fooled? By anyone?
It is currently 12:03 p.m.
I want to go out. I wanna drive fast. I no longer know where i stand. Not because of peoples talk.Simply because the truth of everyones feelings. i am really hurt. Really offended.
It was nearly midnight.
It was the best night. I really had it kept. I really think of it until i nearly fall asleep. it was. Until something crushed it. But i was happy.
Monday, February 18, 2008
but i still owe my mom rm300 tho.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Putra Intelect College called me.
Said Im one of the 200 people chosen throughout peninsular Malaysia.
I dont know if i should be impressed or not. Well, it does say i'd get a job immediately after Diploma and that i could get a loan.
Wait, Im sure to get a loan. According to the guy that is
Well, I didnt accept it. It's about security management.
In other words, I'll be working in the corporate world. Sounds cool.
But i wouldnt wanna be dead saying I worked hard and rich.
I wanna be dead knowing my music reached people. Even if it means sufferings and hard times.
So i ditched the offer. I chose Music. I chose to be at Segi.
I chose to widen up my knowledge on music and seeking opportunity in it.
I'd be far of happier if i can be rich by music, or atleast just live by it.
So, I chose music. But it was a funny call. Since the guy told me if i could have a bright future in music.
to the guy, HELL YEAH!! Im gonna Fuckin enjoy my life with music. And im not just another teenage who just wants stardom.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
i followed steps. well, god's gotta have its reason.
And someone spoke up of taking the place for bassist in my band.
finally. i havent meet them tho.
My mom gave me jobs. Yet again, finally. And I got my washburn fixed.
Briefly, i have no mood to update my life.Not today atleast.