Monday, December 29, 2008


I am so bummed today. I don’t feel like going out, I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I thought of doing my assignment but my body fails to act. So I am typing. I am on my myspace, but sadly, I find no one interesting to talk to. I aim to sleep, but all the neurons in my body is still so active. I should be outside by now, but somehow I choose to stay in bed. For some reason I’m not quite sure what. I should’ve gone jamming but they had to postponed it to tomorrow. I don’t have my amp with me, so I’m down to my takamine. Which is fine, only that right now I feel like plugging in. I ate two times today. I’m surprised I had that much of an appetite today. Ofcourse, I ate a lot everyday, but only tidbits and deserts and some whacko crackers. Not main courses. I have my piano class tomorrow, and I’m picking my new I.C, and I’ve got jamming. I might be worn out tomorrow. But today, is just so dull. I watched movies, I went practicing, then eat, then went on and offline like a couple of times. And it just goes back in circles. I wanted to talk to dinasour. Just as I was thinking about it, he called. Now my impulses are reflexing back like how they should :) I feel like baking cupcakes. Yes, I think I should go bake cupcakes. Yesterday’s cupcake reminds me of the cupcakes me and mama and my sis usually bake. I should get my ass to the kitchen. Maybe I could do some cream puffs too... Woah, I’m already hungry, yet again. I could be fat if I live like this everyday. But then again, who would care. Crave is crave and temptations are hard to resist, especially when it comes to food. Since when do I love to eat anyway? *confused* Just for today, I seem to have the stomach of a wolf.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

sister abuse

I'm ashamed to be the one to tell this part of the story. Especially knowing it had happened to my best friend. Fuck, she's more than just a friend, people even mistook us as twin. Mind my bad language, but I'm so full of rage. What kind of a brother hits his little sister with a cane and golf stick just to show off your so-called ego? What kind of a brother lets his sister scream in vain and holding the pain when you're enjoying it? What kind of a brother tortures his sister and made her look like a maid? A sick one I would conclude. I feel like I wanted to take this brother out and do the exact same thing he did to Nad. He don't deserve to have a sister. Just because your parents leave you in charge doesn't mean you could monopoly everything sucker. If you're a man, be gentle at it. As far as I know, she only left home because you treated her like a servant. You made her wash your clothes, clean the house hold, cook for every meal, and yell at her when she abruptly blocks your view from the television. Dear "brother", you are so full of shit you don't deserve to have a family. You don't even know how to take care of them. I know, I watched. The last time I walk in that house, it smelt so stale I had to puke. You left the chairs everywhere, the television open and your laptop in the middle of the hall. No wonder it was stolen. You are so irresponsible you should put the blame on yourself. You don't appreciate when we, yes WE clean it up for you! Yet, you still want to show how manly you are, by locking me, yes ME inside. Hello loser, Im not part of your family. Don't you feel ashame a stranger had to clean your mess?? You're uncivilized. You're ill-mannered. You're sick. Even a psychopath would have better manner. So people, If you are a brother, please, no violence. Who do you think you are? It's human we're talking about.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


I actually am writing because.. well, the web connection suddenly got slow.Rolling Eyes Which, is quite devastating. Since I was watching Rich Girl Poor Girl and I almost hit the end when it suddenly freezes. Gosh, I swear it always turns me off. I woke up at four today. Fine, a few minutes before four, but I only came to my conscious and get my butt up at seven past four. I know because I checked my cell. Don't mention about getting up late. I slept at five in the morning. So, in considering everything that I am about to do is about to turn me off because of this lazy connection, I decided to write. Quite honestly, my brain contains zero raw facts to write. My stomach's sore. Put it into detail, the muscles are sore. probably from walking a lot. or standing a lot? I am not sure why. I slept more than I should have but I'm still tired. Yeah, I feel like I'm doing nothing today. Yesterday though, I did a lot. Well not a lot. Just put it this way, yesterday was quite fun. So I went to Rock the World. Not that it was bombastic. But some scenes slid in it were! Purple Smiles So right now, I thought of it at some moment, and force myself to rewind it and play it back just for the entertainment of my head. I even force myself to pause to recall the tiny detail. Yeah, right now my ears are so puffed in my headphones the only sound it hears are the sound wave that came out from my radio. So whoever is talking to me during this few minutes I am writing, deep apology. I think you do notice my headphones.

Friday, December 19, 2008

a long night

Yesterday was a story to tell. As tales and tales and reasons begin to show. Scenes by scenes maps itself on the new page which now is old. I wouldn't describe one by one. Because somehow, somethings are better left with the eye of the beholder. Those who experienced will know, and would somehow relate to my ill words. I would say it's a long night, but when it almost come to an end, you embrace it so tight. Making it hard to let go. There's a reason for every tale that happened. There is something to learn out of it and something to appreciate. I appreciate more now of what I have. I guess i stumbled, I fell face first to the ground. I just got slightly lucky that I have people that are willing to stretch their hands out for me. People may say I am sick. Truth be said, I am just human like you are. we are all preys and predators in our own way and in our own needs. I would look filthy to some, but i still know there are people who love me. We all have. I said it before, people are hard to satisfy. No advantage taken. I am learning each and every second, and for what had happened, I had cherished those who were beside me during ups and downs.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

cute is for korea

yes baby! Cute is Korea. It almost describes everything. I spy, cute Korean toddlers, cute cakes, a number of cute guys =D, cute couples, cute cars, cute boots, and several others i think i forgot about. My side job for the week- a not so successful photographer. I did capture nice pixies though. Or so it is what i think.
<--This, is what im trying to show. such a cutie. Apparently as it seems, this boy seems to prefer chasing after the pigeons rather than looking at me. Such a sad thing. But im surrounded by cute toddlers, so i wouldnt mind much. XD

Big dissapointment, no snow. I am a bit relieved because i went to the ski resort and went to the middle of the skiing range- its like locking yourself in the freezer. Worse. i can't feel my fingers, my toes felt like they just broke and I didn't notice. Im freezing and longing for a hot towel. So i gave up and ran back inside. Not as warm as i thought it would be. I wanted to run back to the hotel room, but I ended up waiting for them to finish.

see that is me and the skiing stuff. i am wearing--->

3 layers of clothes and it still feels so cold, no, its freezing.

On the first day we only went skiing. I was hanging on on caffeine as I didn't get enough sleep. The second day there, was a sightseeing and heavy walking on Mount Sorak. It actually is quite beautiful. I actually lost words. I'll just paste pictures I took on the scenes. You should see. The sky is blue. Really blue!

Clockwise from left: a view of Seoul from a mosque high above ground, the ski resort, Mount Sorak, roof of the empire's palace; with dragon carved on it, looks like a Tiki, i do not know what it is until now, the mountain at the ski resort.

So. I went strawberry picking, went to the fish market, went to eat its waffles, which is so tempting, i ate it over and over again. Talk about food, you've got to see the cakes.

<--- This is cute.

On top of the fact that its purple.
Its cute. It gets better!

Now this cake down here. I use to have it. My mom made it for me when i was two.. Or three.

Yeah well, The most exciting part is the Seoul Tower. Its such a pretty thing up there. You should see. I'll go up there someday, again. There's like couples and families everywhere. Well, nothing weird about that obviously, only that they gave you a penny for the thought. A kind of feeling where you feel like embracing someone so tight you don't want to let them go, then just stare at the lights below from above. Just like heaven, almost.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

miss muffet

This is a tough essay to write. i blurted out my anger, and deleted it. Then started to sound harsh on it, but it sound a bit too showing. So I erased all and start a fresh essay. However though, someone told me, well not just one person, told me to not to think too much. Another person told me, Just do what you feel is right. Another one told me, well, she just spoon fed me the answer, and also said, if it didn't turn out right, if it's a bluff after all, then that would be a new episode. The episode of making it sickeningly awfully nauseous. I, however, am still on the line. Unsure. Okay, well, maybe I am sure, maybe I am not. My brain jammed. Whatever happens soon though, will still happen no matter how i want to make it stop. Truth is, I don't have any time machine to seek into the future to stop the evil from happening. I am taking risks., but don't we all? We take risks everyday. Just that, today I am glad to have made someone happy. I am always glad to make him happy, in some ways, it left me a sense of satisfaction. Satisfied for the fact that someone is beside me in harsh cold or stormy night. Today tought me, i am being protected by my beloved, and also, today onwards, I will always know. I hold the match to the cigaratte. Every time it lits up, I will be the reason for it. I am proud somehow. Not to brag or show off. I am proud because, I know all my fights was worth it. I really do think it is now. Maybe this won't make sense, but if you are as involved in it as I am, It would come to be a perfect sense to you too.

Friday, December 5, 2008

some random question

some questions i found interesting to answer. Yeah, boredom kills me slowly.

ONE.If your lover betrayed you, how will you react?

Depending on how he betrayed me. If its kissing caught in act, I'd just watch until the drama is over. then go tell the girl "bitch, you just kissed a slut. My germs are still on his lips. =D"

If its redhanded on the bed, I'd still watch until the drama is over, and tell the lover, "so, did you enjoy sleeping with a whore?". Yes baby, I'm a meanie. But I don't do anger offence in public. maybe I'd scream in vain later, or cry under my blankies when no one is watching.

TWO.If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

Having my own stage, a really big stage. Be as good as the best guitarist ever existed. And ofcourse make millions from just rocking the stage with my music.

THREE.Whose butt would you like to kick?

people that have big butts, because my leg would bounce back. Obviously I wont go kicking someone that has no butt. =P

FOUR.What would you do with a billion dollars?

Get all the guitars I ever obsessed on. Buy myself a comfy house that would have the best sound system so that I could do music until my last breath. Maybe i'd open my own music academy as well.

FIVE.Would you fall in love with your best friend?

I already am in love with her. Of course I love her. She's my twin bimbo. I even kiss her everytime I see her.

SIX.Which do you think more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved. Seriously, it's the best feeling ever. You somehow feel like you're guarded under the wings of an angel.

SEVEN.How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

I would wait, as long as my heart can handle. I can't say how long though, but if you're talking about blood connection, I would wait until the very end.

EIGHT.If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

I usually just get over it. I don't like being in the middle of someone who already has someone. because if i were to put myself in the girl's shoe, i would feel like killing the relationship abuser.

NINE.If you were to act with someone, who would it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?

With my giddy friends :3

TEN.Would you invite your Ex bf/gf to your wedding?

I never really thought about weddings. I guess I would. I guess I'd invite all those who are in contact with me. It's a big day, so let them know already.

ELEVEN.How would you see yourself in ten years time?

I'll be 28. I have my own music career, one of what i am proud of. I'll play the cello by then.

TWELVE.What's your greatest fear?

Losing my music. Losing my guitar.

THIRTEEN.What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

nobody tagged me. I answered these questions because of the boredom.

FOURTEEN.Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

I'd be in love, loved and just living in comfort. Money doesn't matter that much. face it, I already hate rich spoilt kids.

FIFTEEN.What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

Stare at the ceiling, plug in my headphone, bang on the stereo, and lay my eyes to rest again. It's the best feeling ever! Because you almost see the mad faces that keeps on babbling to you, but you don't hear a sound!

SIXTEEN.Would you give all in a relationship?

Always did. Just one thing, i never gave up my music just to be in a relationship. And face it, You have to like my besfriend. Yes, you'd have to. So if you hate music, you hate guitars, you think my music is a waste of time, You can quit trying already. It's a turn off to me when guys hates music.

SEVENTEEN.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

I wouldn't know, and I wouldn't dare predicting. I'd just go with the flow.

EIGHTEEN.Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

I am not good in forgiving, but my heart melts fast. A puppy face would do just fine.

NINETEEN.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?

 guess yourself.

Flipping coin

I am standing on cloud nine today. There's a rush of air going through my whole veins. I feel so light, I almost believe i can fly. A sense of happiness some might say. I am jubilant! More than just normal happy. I can find and write down every single word that would fit the word "happy", but it will never really describe what my red pumping muscle is actually feeling. It is a bit silly though, I sort of had this really down moments, and in a few hours later, no traces of sadness are left inside me. Okay, maybe some little dusts. it doesn't matter anyway, it makes you somehow appreciate the things that are held in your fist. It also reminds you not to be so greedy to want every possible thing ever existed in this small beautiful world. Yes, my eyes did view the scenes of ups and downs. So my mind stored somewhere in it's memory cells a few reminders. The reminder that used most memory blocks were the reminder to realize that everything really do happen for a reason whether laid in front you or hiding between those sorrows of yours. No matter how bad a situation might just seem, there's always something good to crack out of it. My mind stored this information in the "important notices file". Just to make sure I will never abruptly delete it. Whether my conscious is calling or not, My mind will always store it for my later use.

Monday, December 1, 2008

winter wardrobe

So I went shopping with the family. Yes we did. Just to look for winter coats. Ow, and don't forget the earmuffs. Its the only thing I'm super excited about finding. Lol. Though I have to say. From last Wednesday to today, Ive been to Sunway for like 4 times? I almost can tell you where every shop is. =D

Here's the funny part. Me and Amjad (the all grown up brother) got so bored waiting for Mama to pay we had to find something to prevent us from dozing off. So here is what we did.

Yes, we were trying on apparels and sadly just posing with it. lol.

So come Tifa (the little sister oftenly mistaken as twins). so she joined us. haha.

Okay, so Mama took us to Ichiban Ramen. yeah, I only at eyh.... ebi something. But my drink was delicious. watermelon+green tea. =D

Yeah, I was going round and round.I also had a crush on a guitar I saw there, esp ltd
EX-260. Yes baby, it's my new obsession. I wish. O, how I wish, i would afford to own it.

So I had myself filled with the dreams of owning it. Yeah, I've not much to say anyway.