Eve of my birthday. Infact I'm insane enough to know what's going to happen. If insanity had levels, mine is the line where I could lie on the parquet going round and round and run my fingers through my just ironed hair and smile alone and laugh like a hyena before getting sober and doing the same routine over and over and over again. That's how nervous I am. I don't care if you're thinking, what's with this girl it's her 19th time of celebrating her first day out of the womb. This just feels different.
Likewise, November plays a good game on me. I've been sad and jubilant and down and high and most recently I was feeling pathetic and enraged. Lets start with the main motive of the boiling, steamy, blood pressure that is overpowering my excitement. I am going to be considered a super junior, starting my first semester, taking all the things a junior is suppose to, next semester. Which means, hello another two years (hopefully less) of college when I could've graduated next year.
To untwine your confusion, let's just say I am no longer a music student, despite my attempt on not giving up on it, I just had to. I know music is tough bussiness, but I learned the hard way and the long way, that in my college, classicism is a racial bussiness. If you aint white enough and your eyes dont lean so much away from the side of your face, then kiss goodbye to straight As. I didn't even sign up for classical music. I would get it if I were in Berkeley taking jazz but the cold hard fact is, I sign up for music. It's a very general term. Plus, they don't have enough practical so I'd end up a loser anyway. So I decided, rather than wasting my time of who-knows-how-many-more-years-I-have-to-stay-and-pay, I'd just sign up for a new programme. One I know I can nail.
So my present mass comm juniors, Tilt your head high, I am your junior now. Well, I wanted to be in journalism specifically. I love writing. The idea flows when I put my hand on something, and the ideas flows rapidly when I'm in vain and pain. So I think problems will just make me go faster. But the only way to do so is by taking mass comm first. I checked the subjects and tried to cramp in as many as I can in one semester. Did the calculations, and if I pass everything accordingly 2 years is enough to even graduate. (please note that this timeline is just the same if I continue music, but less promising if I continue so). Oh and if you have doubt that I can do well in mass comm, Ask my dinasour. He knows what I did in the mass comm department for the last two years and he's seen my capability. It even feels like Im the unregistered student who came to class and did presentations. :P
By telling this I am still cursing silently on the wasted TWO YEARS OF MY TEEN LIFE. It's like I could've just go out and make music at home or work for that fact then only start my diploma course next year. This still sucks but I'll get over it. Oh and by the way, FORMER music department, you just won yourself a stale name. Please please take time to look that music is NOT theory based. It's an art and it comes from within, although theory is equally important. Theory even doesnt discriminate colours and origin so why should you? You're not the inventor of music neither are you the great composer in history.
So you now my downturn. Such a dissapointment. Luckily I am surrounded by good people with big hearts and are very wide minded. Okay so this happened yesterday. Well it started a few weeks back. Oh well.
Bright side, I grew closer with my wolves. We even dine together and went shopping. I see them everyday since last week and I kind of miss it when I'm not with them. Call it lesbians or those cliquish term you want, they're my sisters and that's how much I love them. We don't do what most girls do. We rock on our instuments at days and went crazy and laugh every night. I mean really crazy that none of our conversation makes any sense but we can still feel the need to laugh. We even proposed a tour on a black tank lorry and roll over every person to the name of addiction. But still we have a special list for those we despise. Be nice to us, we really do bite :P Yes, we have gone completely wild. And if you've been to Metal Kapak, our most recent gig, and seen how we dress and play, that's how it will be from now on. Keep expecting more because we are working our ass off for more. There'll be no more cold feet on stage and no more expected looks. No more same old songs and hopefully our playing will be tighter in time.