dull

I am so bummed today. I don’t feel like going out, I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I thought of doing my assignment but my body fails to act. So I am typing. I am on my myspace, but sadly, I find no one interesting to talk to. I aim to sleep, but all the neurons in my body is still so active. I should be outside by now, but somehow I choose to stay in bed. For some reason I’m not quite sure what. I should’ve gone jamming but they had to postponed it to tomorrow. I don’t have my amp with me, so I’m down to my takamine. Which is fine, only that right now I feel like plugging in. I ate two times today. I’m surprised I had that much of an appetite today. Ofcourse, I ate a lot everyday, but only tidbits and deserts and some whacko crackers. Not main courses. I have my piano class tomorrow, and I’m picking my new I.C, and I’ve got jamming. I might be worn out tomorrow. But today, is just so dull. I watched movies, I went practicing, then eat, then went on and offline like a couple of times. And it just goes back in circles. I wanted to talk to dinasour. Just as I was thinking about it, he called. Now my impulses are reflexing back like how they should :) I feel like baking cupcakes. Yes, I think I should go bake cupcakes. Yesterday’s cupcake reminds me of the cupcakes me and mama and my sis usually bake. I should get my ass to the kitchen. Maybe I could do some cream puffs too... Woah, I’m already hungry, yet again. I could be fat if I live like this everyday. But then again, who would care. Crave is crave and temptations are hard to resist, especially when it comes to food. Since when do I love to eat anyway? *confused* Just for today, I seem to have the stomach of a wolf.

sister abuse

I'm ashamed to be the one to tell this part of the story. Especially knowing it had happened to my best friend. Fuck, she's more than just a friend, people even mistook us as twin. Mind my bad language, but I'm so full of rage. What kind of a brother hits his little sister with a cane and golf stick just to show off your so-called ego? What kind of a brother lets his sister scream in vain and holding the pain when you're enjoying it? What kind of a brother tortures his sister and made her look like a maid? A sick one I would conclude. I feel like I wanted to take this brother out and do the exact same thing he did to Nad. He don't deserve to have a sister. Just because your parents leave you in charge doesn't mean you could monopoly everything sucker. If you're a man, be gentle at it. As far as I know, she only left home because you treated her like a servant. You made her wash your clothes, clean the house hold, cook for every meal, and yell at her when she abruptly blocks your view from the television. Dear "brother", you are so full of shit you don't deserve to have a family. You don't even know how to take care of them. I know, I watched. The last time I walk in that house, it smelt so stale I had to puke. You left the chairs everywhere, the television open and your laptop in the middle of the hall. No wonder it was stolen. You are so irresponsible you should put the blame on yourself. You don't appreciate when we, yes WE clean it up for you! Yet, you still want to show how manly you are, by locking me, yes ME inside. Hello loser, Im not part of your family. Don't you feel ashame a stranger had to clean your mess?? You're uncivilized. You're ill-mannered. You're sick. Even a psychopath would have better manner. So people, If you are a brother, please, no violence. Who do you think you are? It's human we're talking about.

babble

I actually am writing because.. well, the web connection suddenly got slow. Which, is quite devastating. Since I was watching Rich Girl Poor Girl and I almost hit the end when it suddenly freezes. Gosh, I swear it always turns me off. I woke up at four today. Fine, a few minutes before four, but I only came to my conscious and get my butt up at seven past four. I know because I checked my cell. Don't mention about getting up late. I slept at five in the morning. So, in considering everything that I am about to do is about to turn me off because of this lazy connection, I decided to write. Quite honestly, my brain contains zero raw facts to write. My stomach's sore. Put it into detail, the muscles are sore. probably from walking a lot. or standing a lot? I am not sure why. I slept more than I should have but I'm still tired. Yeah, I feel like I'm doing nothing today. Yesterday though, I did a lot. Well not a lot. Just put it this way, yesterday was quite fun. So I went to Rock the World. Not that it was bombastic. But some scenes slid in it were! So right now, I thought of it at some moment, and force myself to rewind it and play it back just for the entertainment of my head. I even force myself to pause to recall the tiny detail. Yeah, right now my ears are so puffed in my headphones the only sound it hears are the sound wave that came out from my radio. So whoever is talking to me during this few minutes I am writing, deep apology. I think you do notice my headphones.

a long night

Yesterday was a story to tell. As tales and tales and reasons begin to show. Scenes by scenes maps itself on the new page which now is old. I wouldn't describe one by one. Because somehow, somethings are better left with the eye of the beholder. Those who experienced will know, and would somehow relate to my ill words. I would say it's a long night, but when it almost come to an end, you embrace it so tight. Making it hard to let go. There's a reason for every tale that happened. There is something to learn out of it and something to appreciate. I appreciate more now of what I have. I guess i stumbled, I fell face first to the ground. I just got slightly lucky that I have people that are willing to stretch their hands out for me. People may say I am sick. Truth be said, I am just human like you are. we are all preys and predators in our own way and in our own needs. I would look filthy to some, but i still know there are people who love me. We all have. I said it before, people are hard to satisfy. No advantage taken. I am learning each and every second, and for what had happened, I had cherished those who were beside me during ups and downs.

cute is for korea

yes baby! Cute is Korea. It almost describes everything. I spy, cute Korean toddlers, cute cakes, a number of cute guys =D, cute couples, cute cars, cute boots, and several others i think i forgot about. My side job for the week- a not so successful photographer. I did capture nice pixies though. Or so it is what i think.
<--This, is what im trying to show. such a cutie. Apparently as it seems, this boy seems to prefer chasing after the pigeons rather than looking at me. Such a sad thing. But im surrounded by cute toddlers, so i wouldnt mind much. XD

Big dissapointment, no snow. I am a bit relieved because i went to the ski resort and went to the middle of the skiing range- its like locking yourself in the freezer. Worse. i can't feel my fingers, my toes felt like they just broke and I didn't notice. Im freezing and longing for a hot towel. So i gave up and ran back inside. Not as warm as i thought it would be. I wanted to run back to the hotel room, but I ended up waiting for them to finish.

see that is me and the skiing stuff. i am wearing--->

3 layers of clothes and it still feels so cold, no, its freezing.

On the first day we only went skiing. I was hanging on on caffeine as I didn't get enough sleep. The second day there, was a sightseeing and heavy walking on Mount Sorak. It actually is quite beautiful. I actually lost words. I'll just paste pictures I took on the scenes. You should see. The sky is blue. Really blue!

Clockwise from left: a view of Seoul from a mosque high above ground, the ski resort, Mount Sorak, roof of the empire's palace; with dragon carved on it, looks like a Tiki, i do not know what it is until now, the mountain at the ski resort.

So. I went strawberry picking, went to the fish market, went to eat its waffles, which is so tempting, i ate it over and over again. Talk about food, you've got to see the cakes.

<--- This is cute.


On top of the fact that its purple. --->
Its cute. It gets better!

Now this cake down here. I use to have it. My mom made it for me when i was two.. Or three.

Yeah well, The most exciting part is the Seoul Tower. Its such a pretty thing up there. You should see. I'll go up there someday, again. There's like couples and families everywhere. Well, nothing weird about that obviously, only that they gave you a penny for the thought. A kind of feeling where you feel like embracing someone so tight you don't want to let them go, then just stare at the lights below from above. Just like heaven, almost.

miss muffet

This is a tough essay to write. i blurted out my anger, and deleted it. Then started to sound harsh on it, but it sound a bit too showing. So I erased all and start a fresh essay. However though, someone told me, well not just one person, told me to not to think too much. Another person told me, Just do what you feel is right. Another one told me, well, she just spoon fed me the answer, and also said, if it didn't turn out right, if it's a bluff after all, then that would be a new episode. The episode of making it sickeningly awfully nauseous. I, however, am still on the line. Unsure. Okay, well, maybe I am sure, maybe I am not. My brain jammed. Whatever happens soon though, will still happen no matter how i want to make it stop. Truth is, I don't have any time machine to seek into the future to stop the evil from happening. I am taking risks., but don't we all? We take risks everyday. Just that, today I am glad to have made someone happy. I am always glad to make him happy, in some ways, it left me a sense of satisfaction. Satisfied for the fact that someone is beside me in harsh cold or stormy night. Today tought me, i am being protected by my beloved, and also, today onwards, I will always know. I hold the match to the cigaratte. Every time it lits up, I will be the reason for it. I am proud somehow. Not to brag or show off. I am proud because, I know all my fights was worth it. I really do think it is now. Maybe this won't make sense, but if you are as involved in it as I am, It would come to be a perfect sense to you too.

some random question

some questions i found interesting to answer. Yeah, boredom kills me slowly.

ONE.If your lover betrayed you, how will you react?

Depending on how he betrayed me. If its kissing caught in act, I'd just watch until the drama is over. then go tell the girl "bitch, you just kissed a slut. My germs are still on his lips. =D"

If its redhanded on the bed, I'd still watch until the drama is over, and tell the lover, "so, did you enjoy sleeping with a whore?". Yes baby, I'm a meanie. But I don't do anger offence in public. maybe I'd scream in vain later, or cry under my blankies when no one is watching.

TWO.If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

Having my own stage, a really big stage. Be as good as the best guitarist ever existed. And ofcourse make millions from just rocking the stage with my music.

THREE.Whose butt would you like to kick?

people that have big butts, because my leg would bounce back. Obviously I wont go kicking someone that has no butt. =P

FOUR.What would you do with a billion dollars?

Get all the guitars I ever obsessed on. Buy myself a comfy house that would have the best sound system so that I could do music until my last breath. Maybe i'd open my own music academy as well.

FIVE.Would you fall in love with your best friend?

I already am in love with her. Of course I love her. She's my twin bimbo. I even kiss her everytime I see her.

SIX.Which do you think more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Being loved. Seriously, it's the best feeling ever. You somehow feel like you're guarded under the wings of an angel.

SEVEN.How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

I would wait, as long as my heart can handle. I can't say how long though, but if you're talking about blood connection, I would wait until the very end.

EIGHT.If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

I usually just get over it. I don't like being in the middle of someone who already has someone. because if i were to put myself in the girl's shoe, i would feel like killing the relationship abuser.

NINE.If you were to act with someone, who would it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?

With my giddy friends :3

TEN.Would you invite your Ex bf/gf to your wedding?

I never really thought about weddings. I guess I would. I guess I'd invite all those who are in contact with me. It's a big day, so let them know already.

ELEVEN.How would you see yourself in ten years time?

I'll be 28. I have my own music career, one of what i am proud of. I'll play the cello by then.

TWELVE.What's your greatest fear?

Losing my music. Losing my guitar.

THIRTEEN.What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

nobody tagged me. I answered these questions because of the boredom.

FOURTEEN.Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

I'd be in love, loved and just living in comfort. Money doesn't matter that much. face it, I already hate rich spoilt kids.

FIFTEEN.What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

Stare at the ceiling, plug in my headphone, bang on the stereo, and lay my eyes to rest again. It's the best feeling ever! Because you almost see the mad faces that keeps on babbling to you, but you don't hear a sound!

SIXTEEN.Would you give all in a relationship?

Always did. Just one thing, i never gave up my music just to be in a relationship. And face it, You have to like my besfriend. Yes, you'd have to. So if you hate music, you hate guitars, you think my music is a waste of time, You can quit trying already. It's a turn off to me when guys hates music.

SEVENTEEN.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?

I wouldn't know, and I wouldn't dare predicting. I'd just go with the flow.

EIGHTEEN.Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

I am not good in forgiving, but my heart melts fast. A puppy face would do just fine.

NINETEEN.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?

 guess yourself.

Flipping coin

I am standing on cloud nine today. There's a rush of air going through my whole veins. I feel so light, I almost believe i can fly. A sense of happiness some might say. I am jubilant! More than just normal happy. I can find and write down every single word that would fit the word "happy", but it will never really describe what my red pumping muscle is actually feeling. It is a bit silly though, I sort of had this really down moments, and in a few hours later, no traces of sadness are left inside me. Okay, maybe some little dusts. it doesn't matter anyway, it makes you somehow appreciate the things that are held in your fist. It also reminds you not to be so greedy to want every possible thing ever existed in this small beautiful world. Yes, my eyes did view the scenes of ups and downs. So my mind stored somewhere in it's memory cells a few reminders. The reminder that used most memory blocks were the reminder to realize that everything really do happen for a reason whether laid in front you or hiding between those sorrows of yours. No matter how bad a situation might just seem, there's always something good to crack out of it. My mind stored this information in the "important notices file". Just to make sure I will never abruptly delete it. Whether my conscious is calling or not, My mind will always store it for my later use.

winter wardrobe

So I went shopping with the family. Yes we did. Just to look for winter coats. Ow, and don't forget the earmuffs. Its the only thing I'm super excited about finding. Lol. Though I have to say. From last Wednesday to today, Ive been to Sunway for like 4 times? I almost can tell you where every shop is. =D

Here's the funny part. Me and Amjad (the all grown up brother) got so bored waiting for Mama to pay we had to find something to prevent us from dozing off. So here is what we did.



Yes, we were trying on apparels and sadly just posing with it. lol.

So come Tifa (the little sister oftenly mistaken as twins). so she joined us. haha.

Okay, so Mama took us to Ichiban Ramen. yeah, I only at eyh.... ebi something. But my drink was delicious. watermelon+green tea. =D

Yeah, I was going round and round.I also had a crush on a guitar I saw there, esp ltd EX-260. Yes baby, it's my new obsession. I wish. O, how I wish, i would afford to own it.

So I had myself filled with the dreams of owning it. Yeah, I've not much to say anyway.

my point

whoever is reading,
please note that, this is a post where i would just like to clear up all the dust inside my squeezed brain. It told me to let go of somethings, as it can no longer hold it in for me. Where should I start? Should I start from the meaning of friends to me? Acquaintance. To me, is a big thing. Knowing people is one thing. Befriending a person is another. I can say I'm a person that really cherish friendship. To me, there's no such word as fight or ignorance in friendship. But then again, not everyone shares the same dictionary. Yes, I just had one hell of a day. These last 2 weeks, I've been feeling gloomy. Maybe people didn't notice. I hope they don't. I intend to hide it. I have to admit I'm already getting tired. Wish i could find something to ooze me back. Being honest, a lot of things ought to put me right back on my conscious. Maybe It's just me that needs a little alone time. People are hard to satisfy. I know it as a fact. But I still try to satisfy as much people as I could. Not saying that I wanted to be in or steal the spotlight. I just love being around people. They usually would make me forget all my downs. Right now though, I'm not so sure. Did I say I needed to be alone? Well maybe I do. Maybe I just need a quick glance. Or maybe, I just need to find something really hard that would really booze me up =)

Doubts

I woke up at 1 today. I woke up feeling good. It's been long since i really wake up late. My plan though, was just staying in bed. Only to find out a news that had me lost it. How do you know when you should let go of something? Or hold on to it? I know I can't be selfish. I can't forget easily. Should i try forgetting? His life and mine, we're standing on thread, that hangs 10feet above ground. He might save me, but he'll be unsure of his life. I can save him too, but I'll have to let go of him. Than I can be sure he's okay and I am. Physically, he'll be okay. Emotionally? I kept thinking about that. I even asked myself, will I be okay without him. I have no answers for my questions. I wish I'm spoon fed with the answers. But wishes don't always come true, don't it? And, i might regret what I wish for. My mind is working hard, but my body has stopped working. I am currently, in coma. I have no lust, my only want is to runaway to an island of strangers. I'm a coward am I? And I know I will regret running away. I just don't want to hurt a human being.

Floating

So here I am again. After so long not being here.
Dear blog, you'll die in boredom if I tell you what happened to me. Yes, I've started new semester. College? Its fun to be honest. But somehow i'd just like to get back to the times when there's me, nad and the world. Things were so much easier back than. I guess it was my bad, for wishing to be a grown up. You got it Fina, and so the troubles awaits you. Yes, i got side tracked for a while. Too lost. Knowing a lot of people is fun. But taking care of one's feeling isn't easy. if you're not willing to sacrifice your life for them, than it's okay. But it's not okay to make them wait. I've never thought I'd be caught up in this intertwined mess i started. Well, I didn't meant to make a mess. Sometimes you just do what's right for the moment. Now I can frankly say I'm a mess. But i try not to show it. Ive been threatened with my life. Who could put a blank face when they know the edge is so near? Or unsure what will happen next? Nad had made it possible for me to do that. Lolx. Yes, she's my strength. Im her weakness. Guess that's what bestfriends do. Feeling it and hiding it for each other. But that's not the biggest thing just yet. i have a lot of doubts. I hate not knowing what is right and wrong and not being able to decide. Yes, I wish i had a morphine so I could drift and dream of living somewhere no one knows anyone. I dreamt of going to a ball full of strangers, where everyone's a mask and no one knows who that someone really is. Will you be able to really read people's heart? Whether they really are good or evil? Questions i wish I could answer. But I know these impossibles, So, i guess, I'll just do what's best for the moment. i'll just do what my red pumping muscle tells me to. What my body longs to and my minds need.

rage untold

She looks at the screen. Staring blankly at it. Thoughts of thoughts arose. ideas and imaginary paints the black screen. That of once was empty. One by one, layer by layer. Now what she thought was nothing, is finally making sense. All in the back of her head. She recognize one by one of what was pasted. The times when she had the greatest happiness, when nothing was ever a hard time. When something was so valuable that she never mind to face the gruesome reality awaits. All is lost. She thought. All is lost. Now there's only responsibility.

"I was not ready for this, I am still not." Her heart says.

She's just a girl, that needs to see and feel so much more fun and ups and downs.

Where was the time when running away is always better? She asks herself.

Nobody answers. they are all hiding it from her. Afraid she might be bruised. Afraid she might fall. Afraid she might lose guide. Little they realize, they use to had that.

So why can't she? Why can't she bruise like the use to? Why can't she feel what they felt? Why cant she taste what they taste?

Because they already know what it taste that they forbid her. because they just realize those are the useless.

but why won't they let her feel it herself?

life is about discovery. yes, it is. It was, until now. She wanted to go back, to the times when she was so selfish. So selfish that she cry everyday, But always had the best of time with no regrets. No regrets. She feels that a lot now. She regrets. Something she never did. Something she never know she could do.

Why won't they let her be? Why do they want her to grow up so fast?

"Im not so feeble, You cannot treat me like this." She scream, but only she could hear

She is happy now. But there is something like a lost missing puzzle waiting to be attached. Something. She wants to find it. They lock it somewhere, she is sure. But they never let her have it. They think its for the best. They think. She just think she might collapse, and wake up again to leave everything she knew, Just to find someone or something that would let her have her missing piece.

surround beings

I love being around people that thinks about others.
They are always passionate and though I am nothing compared to them, as I can be selfish and self-centered sometimes. They make me feel calm for the fact that world still has tolerance, they tend to make me self-reflect.

I love being around goofers.
When they talk, no matter in what way, people laugh and they laugh with them.
Giving me the comfort to forget every tied-up knot there is.

I love being around hardworkers.
Though I am not as hardworking, they tend to have a positive impact on me.
For that I am willing to do more just to be more.

I love being around silly-smarties.
These kind of people are smart but not nerds. Meaning, they understand the words I say and I understand theirs. Plus, they rarely talk trash and things that are too unimportant to care.

I love being around people that loves to talk and listen.
They always lit up the environment, but never annoying. they know when to stop and listen and just the right time to talk.

I love being around people with so many experience.
May be the elders, or a young kid, or any normal person. When they speak up of an adventure, they are living it again and bringing you with it.

I love being around people that mind their own bussiness.
because they always tell me to mind my own. And never interefere with my private little space. They are also the ones to make a better feeling. And is always the positive thinker.

wall talking

just to post this:

don't you agree with that?
:p

future story

Had i lived a life worth telling?
Had a life a normal life?
Or extraordinary?
Had I even had a life?

Questions I may asked in the future.
When my grand daughter suddenly ask,

"granny, what was your life like?"

Then only I shall begin my story.

To think back. Yes, I lived a life. Just like every living creature do.
What did i do today? I watched Batman. It hit me there. How humans are easily fooled by a no one.
Even the greatest kind-hearts would slaughter for their owns. How easily the well-planned villains die because of their greed.

There i thought. We all carry the deadly sins. These that turns back against us. There i know. The devil only said the right words. It is our actions and need that condemn us.

I am trying as hard as I can to control me. But sometimes, a lot of things took over me. my ego, my greed, my lust, my emotions. Like every other human. Hey, why do you think John Lennon was shot? He didn't even know his killer.

All because of selfishness. All because human are selfish. I am too I admit. And when I saw the movie, I asked myself, what would I do if I was in the ferry? There it is just you and death. You decide. You do it yourself and bear the consequence. Nothing else helps you. Not your workers, not your bribed policeman, not your money, Not your fame. Just you. You choose to pull the trigger.

So lets not ask who is who or what is what. if my grand daughter ask me the question one day. i'll simply say;

"I lived a life full of good and bad. Just like you. Maybe for a different reason. Maybe a different content. But the same skeleton. Where sins run free and deeds are nearly extinct. Where I share my joy and tears and pray to god for peace and serenity. Where I play hard just to live another day"

my ugly facts

Here I am.
Finally finding something to write about me.
Ive been doing some self-reflection.
Here's a true fact about me.
Facts that only those who study me knows.

Im an egoistic bitch.
My ego range from 40% to 70%.
Depending on the people.


I hate cute-actors.
Mind what i say.
I didnt mean cute looking people.
I meant people that always act cute.
If it were legal, I'd go kill them all.

I hate attention seekers.
They are always bitches.
They always want what's yours.

Im a jealous brat.
I get jealous all the time.
I only show it to certain people.
People I care especially.

I love to hate.
I can hate someone for stupid reasons.
Mostly related to my life.

I get annoyed easily.
Especially with those I really care
Also for simple reasons.
They always give me bigger troubles.


I love holding grudges.
It makes me grin with satisfaction.
it makes me seek for the best revenge.

I don't like lectures on who i should be.
I think they should go die.
Or maybe they should try lecturing themselves.

Im easily attract.
Sometimes it gives me trouble.
But natural attractions are hard to ignore.

I don't like people wandering around my belonging.
I don't feel safe when they do that.
I keep my belonging secure.

I easily feel threatened.
So i tend to not trust anyone.
It takes time for me to do that.

I hate guys that hit girls.
I think they are useless.
I think they don't deserve to have a girl.

I dont like my copy-cats.
It is annoying.
i don't see it as a compliment.
i see it as a disgrace.

I can change myself.
In order to keep my belongings.
but i won't change for a no-one.
It also takes time.
So fuck it, be patient.

I don't like waiting.
It always turns me off.
Only Nad has the best idea to get me on track.

I tend to repeat my mistake.
It is my weakness.
Please accept me as I am.
And please be aware that it's not always.

I hate threats.
They should just do it.
Rather than filling me with uncomfortable.

I love sorry.
But it's hard to swallow in.
I can't change in a second.

I can be okay when I feel like it.
So nobody pushes me.
Or it'll just worsen.

I try to be less jealous.
I should get trust.
I will in some time.
But please bare with me until I do.

music is her everything.

Im so touched by this one. A blind young girl, her only entertainment is the piano. She only speaks to the piano, She hears the piano. Not intentioning to ignore the world and what she had become. She never intend to quit. Music is her everything.


Guys, this is touching.

this wishlist

I just envied my own wallpaper. I found this beautiful picture of gretsch. a white falcon. well, gretsch are born to be lovely. But this is my wishlist. Its what i want. If i have this guitar, then i wouldn't ask for another guitar. haha. Okay fine. maybe another gretsch. But this is totally irresistable.

Would you just look at this precious thing. And having to see it but not touching it is even more painful. Gosh, when will i own it! haha. Fellas, this is gretsch. Don't ask me why it's so beautiful. It is made to be lustful. Im already lost of words. Anybody care enough to get me one? Haha. It only cost a couple thousands. Well, it's cheaper than a car for sure. Look at its every aspect. And wait till you hear it. Freggin, Why do people create such guitar in such expensive price?

stealing is shameful

okay.
i just saw someone fake.
and I know she's a fake pathetic kid.
Cause she steal a picture of my cousin's and edited it with words so it look like hers.
Yes, i know stealing photo's is almost normal on myspace. But duh, get a life. Your famous because of someone else's picture. That is LAME!!
here's my cousins link:
www.myspace.com/shweetlilija

And here's the bimbo's. Sorry for being harsh. I hate it when people steals another people's identity:
www.myspace.com/teddy_ucux

now here's the picture she copied:




And this is the original:

this is ija. her name is ija.


For god's sake its only a picture taken from a phone cam. Its not like its being done professionally.


Okay so that's the end of this stealing thingy. People, Dont ever steal people's picture.
Especially when you know you'll get caught!

Searching.

Searching for the French music history before baroque please!
and Im currently listening to Go! Go! 7188's 浮舟。haha.
That girl rocks. Ow, I forgot their names.
Okay, my current worry, can I get my assignment done?
well, frankly i think i can.
And frankly, I have nothing to write.
i got a new laptop?
Dell, to be exact. And i love the sound system. haha.
ow yeah, currently listening back to all of Marilyn Manson's.
So yeah, no new photos.
Uh, I went jamming at a new studio in... uh.. ampang?
i dunno. don't quite remember it. But the studio's way too nice.

the case of undivine nonsense

in life, you may want things to come your way and go as you want to. never in a glimpse you realise that you have no power neither the ability to write your own path. People say you colour your own world, write your own sins, follow your own path but few of us know what we have, what we will have, what we face is just a journey long written. and we are the players with absolute zero power in determining what role we play. I may say, i once said, my future is my own practice. What i feel, how i see things, that's just the type i was created. how many confidence i have in any category of life, it's all been written. The only difference is getting it fast or delaying it. the more you work, the more satisfied you get and that's just it. That is a good reason for why the poor is poorer and the rich gets richer. The power of greed, i may say is powerful enough to make a monster out of a white cloth. a melancholy beast that arose from human's tempted will. For everything that happen in here, is handled by each one of us. So, to be frank, we have no rights actually to blame no one or accuse someone. For its their life and our life is written. It just came to me, that no matter how aching it is, i have nothing to use as my defence

these currents

current status : eating hello panda, practicing guitar, completing song, playing doof.

current thoughts : tomorrow's nad's birthday, i have no presents yet. this night is jamming.

current worries : i can't play here without you clearly. I cant remember solfeges.

current position : in my room, beside my bed.
current mood : fuckingly thirsty, tired yet determined.

current aches : sore eyes, swelling gums.

current needs : i need a hair wash, a pool of ice, lemonade.

current songs : always be my baby, david cook and winter by vivaldi

band site

i just did car crash's myspace.
well.
mecha did most of it....
gosh, this is embarassing....
please feel free to listen to our song.
altho its not completed yet....
there's no vocal yet.
so please bare with us....
anyway,
mecha did this:

sugoii desu ne??

try browsing over here:
www.myspace.com/carcrashbandsite

the ugly and the good

bad news: My dad won't buy me a car.
good news: he suddenly wants to buy me a car.
bad news: my piano's getting worse
good news: I'll be starting class soon. I hope.
bad news: Malaysian studies...I have no idea what its contents are.
good news: I don't have to LISTEN to boring lectures?
bad news: the band still need a vocalist.
good news: we have new songs.
bad news: exam is near
good news: im NOT worried just yet
bad news: im out of ideas
good news: im ending this.

freshie

well.
so i started college. Segi that is. So much to say. So many holes to fill up with. So many new experiences. New friends. New miseries. New problems. New way of settling. new timetable.

I can't wake up as late as i used to. Well, I still do. when i got no class. And nad went with me to the college once. And Im freakin tired ryte now. Mom said she wanted to buy me a new laptop. it doesn't matter to me really. Cuz this one's working just as fine.

Dad says he'll get me a car. Yeah, I think he's slowing down the whole process cuz he's scared that i might go out often when i got one. And that I'd be at home as little as I could. To me, I really need my car. And I come home like everyday. So there's nothing to worry about much. lolx.

So now i drive the pajero every now and then. I even become the driver for "breakfast with family on weekends". And my dad gets frightened, nah, over-worried everytime i drive.
Or was it just once that i drove with him in the car. So i need my own, petite, little car.

There's so many things in life. But i prefer to keep it private. Let myself taste every bit of it. The sweet, the bitter, the sour. The mixture.

Happenings!!!! うつくしhappenings!

Well
its not that much of brags. But i get to see nad. After so long. and i went to see mecha. She's so small. Aha. but cute still. And I like her shoes. or was it sneakers? But i love em. Lolx.

Also. Im starting college next monday. And my dad finally decided not to buy me a car. I think he made up his mind. Cuz he wanted me to use the pajero. I was like "eh??" "you serious??"
He even offered me to drive the merc yesterday. I want to. But I think it's far better if I just stay at home. Haha. My mom says there's no "P" on the merc. Plus, she won't let me drive the merc. Cuz the reversing part is killing. It is.

Im driving a big car. And i just got my license. And i drive back home safe. Even tho i almost hit a motorbike. Woah, Im great! aha. I have to admit. im A little too over-worried. Whatever that means. Or maybe cuz i was driving my dad's 4wD!! But I'll pull it thru. haha.

So i decided. Im not gonna drive to college until i can really handle that car. Or if im ever gonna get a new one.

Ow yeah, I fuckingly need a new pair of jeans. I do. And nad says I look eerily thin. I wanna be a bit fat. But i don't want bulging tummy. And now I'm working on a flat tyre. It isn't working yet. It's only flat when i woke up in the morning. lolx. Ow yeah, and i would love some sweatshirts. really need them. I don't want to wear just t-shirts all the time.
Long sleeves seem pretty well nice too.

Numbs

Its currently 11:50 a.m.
Im nothing like yesterday. I got my results. wasn't the best. But satisfying enough.
I've been thinking. I know what i want in life. Don't I? I've got college waiting ahead. I've got my guitar. Ive got my piano. i've got something promising ahead. Should i really waste my time thinking minor stuffs? Although I cant help it. I feel like a cigaratte or two will do it. But again, is it really a compulsory?

It was 12:36 a.m.
I felt offended. And that just puts me in a swinging unstable ride. Although i shouldn't care much. Since it wasn't my wrongdoings. But I couldn't help the feeling of being untrusted. No. I was totally being blamed. For a girl who just happened to be someone special.

It's currently 11:57 a.m.
Am i special for anyone. anyone at all? because nobody ever told me that. People say it. But has no intention of showing it. Am i really that someone? I can't have a convincing answer for that. Because I'm not sure where i stand myself.

It was 11:00 a.m.
Should i trust peoples words? Should I trust anybody at all? I want to. But bad things always seem to block me. Am i really it? Or just a toy? Or maybe a substitute? or maybe someone easily fooled? By anyone?

It is currently 12:03 p.m.
I want to go out. I wanna drive fast. I no longer know where i stand. Not because of peoples talk.Simply because the truth of everyones feelings. i am really hurt. Really offended.

It was nearly midnight.
It was the best night. I really had it kept. I really think of it until i nearly fall asleep. it was. Until something crushed it. But i was happy.

new guitar>.<

yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!

i got myself a new guitar.
haha.
but i still owe my mom rm300 tho.

but i'll work it out. the main point is that i got myself a new treasure. A beautiful one tooo.... Seriouly! It's a cort btw. And its cherry in colour. haha. Or so that's what they call it. But its beautifulllll. And gives a melodious sound too. lolx. Yeah, its true. Ive been playing with it non stop.

Fine, i did stop to get my breakfast, watch a tv show, and doing some of my chores. And the job my mom gave me and writing this blog. Lol.

But i got a new song!!!! haha. not complete yet. In progress. And this comp keeps popping out antivirus protection program-o.

Did I mention?? My band got a new bassist, one that sings well too. haha. So one more should complete the band. Or maybe two.

And i fell in love with Mana. From Malice mizer if u have no idea who he is. I love his violin skills.

N yeah, I got to play jay chou's Qing tian already. hahaha

Still waiting for An jing. And there's a few new songs from him. I dont know, the soundtracks of Kung Fu dunk.

Ow yeah, here's my new guitar....

Another college Offer.

I got another college offer today.
Putra Intelect College called me.
Said Im one of the 200 people chosen throughout peninsular Malaysia.
I dont know if i should be impressed or not. Well, it does say i'd get a job immediately after Diploma and that i could get a loan.
Wait, Im sure to get a loan. According to the guy that is
Well, I didnt accept it. It's about security management.
In other words, I'll be working in the corporate world. Sounds cool.
But i wouldnt wanna be dead saying I worked hard and rich.
I wanna be dead knowing my music reached people. Even if it means sufferings and hard times.
So i ditched the offer. I chose Music. I chose to be at Segi.
I chose to widen up my knowledge on music and seeking opportunity in it.
I'd be far of happier if i can be rich by music, or atleast just live by it.

So, I chose music. But it was a funny call. Since the guy told me if i could have a bright future in music.
to the guy, HELL YEAH!! Im gonna Fuckin enjoy my life with music. And im not just another teenage who just wants stardom.

failure. it shouldnt happen

i wouldnt wanna talk. cuz i FAILED my driving test. And i din't do mistakes.
i followed steps. well, god's gotta have its reason.
And someone spoke up of taking the place for bassist in my band.
finally. i havent meet them tho.
My mom gave me jobs. Yet again, finally. And I got my washburn fixed.
Briefly, i have no mood to update my life.Not today atleast.