Hunt

to have walked and to walk never really bares the same feeling. to have been through and to go through would always differ in a big way. The path will always gets tougher, more ragged edge and feisty thorns, hidden claws and hungry cats. Trust I know, for big things to happen, big obstacles will lay between them. But faith and strength don't come together. They don't grow together, they're built, and sometimes they shatter and collect ones individual self again. Sometimes insanity visits, doing what it knows best, being the moss in the once clear river. Just sometimes, it's the moss that makes it look beautiful, giving out it's crystal gleam, but most of the time human despise them, for the beast they made out of pretty river. Most of the time, they use shortcuts, toxic sounds good, toxic sounds fast, toxic kills everything. Yet not many of us see. There is no shortcuts. Not to the good things. And I would want to go through it fast. But that would just mean I'd have to put on my boots and sneak in a little bit of strength every now and then and just walk faster. Wolves run fast. Wolves howl to let themselves know they're alive. Wolves hunt and they don't quit. It's the only way they know how to survive. It's the only way human knows.

The Rising Sun

meet my mini snowman. Did it with my siblings.

It's been three days since my arrival back home. Attempted to blog on Japan yesterday but ended up deleting it since I read what I wrote with a heavy heart. I am my own critic. Thought of making five blogs on Japan, one for each day but I think the words abandoned the bus from Mount Fuji just because they didn't want me to write. Obviously, I've lost interest in writing about it. Not that it wasn't fun. Too fun until I jumbled up on every explanation there is.

Japan wasn't as cold when I arrived. Or maybe it was my lack of sensory organs at work since I did not get my intentioned sleep. But Universal Studio did wake me up. Especially the Spiderman ride. No, it ain't no ordinary kids ride. Brief explanation, did you watch Spiderman II? Where the sandman or venom uses the school bus as the bait? It actually feels like that. Like I'm on of the kids in the school bus. Except there's more villains pointing they're trademark attacks and you actually feel the heat of the fire and the water splash, and the fireball, they shoot straight towards you. If only you weren't dragged away by the guy's web, it actually feels like hello grave. And the web dragging, it's feels exactly like web swinging. I felt like I'm stuck in some superhero act which is super cool except for the part where the monster let us fall from an 80 storey building (maybe more) and all you could see was the fountain below and the building you're falling from. Thank god for web, yet again. So Spiderman saved me >.< it is that way.

It was six and dark when we reached the first hotel. If love hotel was said to be beautiful and romantic, this hotel would fall on second place. Did I tell you? the toilets have seat warmer. and you know the Japanese they like backscrubs? The bathroom was made to have one, with basins and scrub towels. And the shampoos and fash wash, was Shiseido branded. Finally, after two days of sleep deprivation, I got my hot tub bath and a good night sleep. Second day to me is okay. I like the scenery we were visiting but too many temples are really not necessary for me. I'd say only the first one's a must since that's when I got a glimpse of a small shop in many shop lines selling Hide's item. Yeup, for a fan I took a long time wandering which ones of them I were to buy. I mean, it couldn't be much a difference they're all Hide's but it's hard to choose one when you want them all. Drag myself into a music store. Found X-Japan's cd but I can't seem to find Show-Ya's.

So third was a visit to Mount Fuji with a brief stop at the volcano. You reach top, it smells like stale egg refrigerated for a week. They did do the egg bussiness up there. You see, the Japanese believe if you eat one egg that's cooked in the steamy water of the volcano, you won yourself seven years to live. Then we went snow fighting on Mount Fuji. Guess what? I get the snow thrown on top of my head, and practically I was bullied :P but that's okay cause I had fun.

At night there were the onsen, we dressed ourselves with Yukata for dinner (which includes the big crab legs) and went straight for onsen. Additional fact, nobody's allowed to wear any material on their skin. So you're a hundred percent naked. Don't get too excited. Boys see boys and girls see girls. No crossing. The outdoor onsen, is as beautiful as heaven, very refreshing too. Imagine diving in a 41degree water when the temprature on land is negative one. I would take picture but I'm just not the one that would post nude photos online.

I think the fourth day was the three hours ride on the bus and a fifteen minutes ride on the bullet train. Bullet train-very fast. Everytime another train went by, it's like a rush of air and that was it. It's like your mind lag information sending when they're functioning just as they should be. Went to Ginza which to me is like Park Avenue. Five-storey buildings of Channel and Louis Vuitton and every other high-class brand you can think of. Oh there's this one fact I forgot, there's no bike in Japan except for those big ones. Those super bikes and Harley are probably the only ones of it's kind to roam the street, or atleast the city streets. And they've got hot rides parked by the sideways like it's some kind of cheap car. The parking-elevated most of it. Not the ones you'd see in here. My Audi TT is everywhere! Hey and the fuel station, the tube it hangs from the ceiling. Very amusing to me, atleast =D

Last day there was Disneyland. I think I liked Universal Studio more than Disneyland. We were there from eight to five but I think I only took on 5 rides. Because the queue was approximately an hour. For each ride. And I hate fast pass, they make us on stand-by wait longer. Some how out of all the rides my favourite was Micro adventure. I got shrunked and they make you feel that way. Kinda thrilling.

Yeah, then there was the flight home. I would do more of explanation. But I have no idea how to sort them out.

They burn

Eve of my birthday. Infact I'm insane enough to know what's going to happen. If insanity had levels, mine is the line where I could lie on the parquet going round and round and run my fingers through my just ironed hair and smile alone and laugh like a hyena before getting sober and doing the same routine over and over and over again. That's how nervous I am. I don't care if you're thinking, what's with this girl it's her 19th time of celebrating her first day out of the womb. This just feels different.

Likewise, November plays a good game on me. I've been sad and jubilant and down and high and most recently I was feeling pathetic and enraged. Lets start with the main motive of the boiling, steamy, blood pressure that is overpowering my excitement. I am going to be considered a super junior, starting my first semester, taking all the things a junior is suppose to, next semester. Which means, hello another two years (hopefully less) of college when I could've graduated next year.

To untwine your confusion, let's just say I am no longer a music student, despite my attempt on not giving up on it, I just had to. I know music is tough bussiness, but I learned the hard way and the long way, that in my college, classicism is a racial bussiness. If you aint white enough and your eyes dont lean so much away from the side of your face, then kiss goodbye to straight As. I didn't even sign up for classical music. I would get it if I were in Berkeley taking jazz but the cold hard fact is, I sign up for music. It's a very general term. Plus, they don't have enough practical so I'd end up a loser anyway. So I decided, rather than wasting my time of who-knows-how-many-more-years-I-have-to-stay-and-pay, I'd just sign up for a new programme. One I know I can nail.

So my present mass comm juniors, Tilt your head high, I am your junior now. Well, I wanted to be in journalism specifically. I love writing. The idea flows when I put my hand on something, and the ideas flows rapidly when I'm in vain and pain. So I think problems will just make me go faster. But the only way to do so is by taking mass comm first. I checked the subjects and tried to cramp in as many as I can in one semester. Did the calculations, and if I pass everything accordingly 2 years is enough to even graduate. (please note that this timeline is just the same if I continue music, but less promising if I continue so). Oh and if you have doubt that I can do well in mass comm, Ask my dinasour. He knows what I did in the mass comm department for the last two years and he's seen my capability. It even feels like Im the unregistered student who came to class and did presentations. :P

By telling this I am still cursing silently on the wasted TWO YEARS OF MY TEEN LIFE. It's like I could've just go out and make music at home or work for that fact then only start my diploma course next year. This still sucks but I'll get over it. Oh and by the way, FORMER music department, you just won yourself a stale name. Please please take time to look that music is NOT theory based. It's an art and it comes from within, although theory is equally important. Theory even doesnt discriminate colours and origin so why should you? You're not the inventor of music neither are you the great composer in history.

So you now my downturn. Such a dissapointment. Luckily I am surrounded by good people with big hearts and are very wide minded. Okay so this happened yesterday. Well it started a few weeks back. Oh well.

Bright side, I grew closer with my wolves. We even dine together and went shopping. I see them everyday since last week and I kind of miss it when I'm not with them. Call it lesbians or those cliquish term you want, they're my sisters and that's how much I love them. We don't do what most girls do. We rock on our instuments at days and went crazy and laugh every night. I mean really crazy that none of our conversation makes any sense but we can still feel the need to laugh. We even proposed a tour on a black tank lorry and roll over every person to the name of addiction. But still we have a special list for those we despise. Be nice to us, we really do bite :P Yes, we have gone completely wild. And if you've been to Metal Kapak, our most recent gig, and seen how we dress and play, that's how it will be from now on. Keep expecting more because we are working our ass off for more. There'll be no more cold feet on stage and no more expected looks. No more same old songs and hopefully our playing will be tighter in time.

birthday wishlist

And I will therefore reveal all my wishes upon you ;P

An explorer
The Purple Cadillac
Audi TT
A leather jacket
Studded belt
Studded bag
A good ol' bubble bath(with loads of foam and a rubber duck)
purple leopard print purse
studded gladiator heals
lots of bangles
a getaway to the beach
jackass-ing all night

Well there, they aren't as hard to fulfill. My birthday's coming. Hope it's gonna be better than last year's. Please note though that the last wish will be fulfilled at all cost.

brief diary

November it is...
the countdown now begins. To my birthday, and recording, and a lot of things I've been looking forward too. Though I don't plan of giving up all my hopes to those. For these past times thinking, I've decided, no personal story of my love life would be written on blog. I've noticed it has gained more viewers and comrades than it should have. And I mean this in a negative way. So whatever happens between me and him, will not be displayed in any style, form, art in here. Well, maybe a little. The part where I express my thankful being and such. However I'll be talking about my other love instead. The one that could really use the publicity. Shewolves. For a start, we are going back to ground zero and decided not to depend on our 'sponsor slash mentor'. We are raising money for Southeast Skies recording and hopefully another new track as well. So yeah, those who have been with us, we thank you. If no other obstacles occur and everything runs smooth, we will release it by the end of the year hopefully. Please bare.

Keep on rockin'

She sat in that bunk bed thinking about her future. Yes I am thinking. If only I can skip steps and atleast have my sneak preview of my future self. Will I successfully survive or oh well, just survive. There's so many things I wish I could have but yeah they're like super-glued to some treasure chest and buried in some dead spot-where the only map they have to guide me there is being squeezed into yet some random bottle and thrown into the sea of people and misfortunes and obstacles. So yeah, Life's tougher than I thought. And the older I grow the scarier it gets. Scared I would stumble and not find my strength to get up and go on. But occasionally, more like miraculously, I eventually will. In some way. Yes, I do believe in a very transparent guarding wings or supernova- I just think it sound more convincing and grotesque, though I don't know in what sense. So my current issue is-redefining myself and reconcile what I forgot. It's like the fun, bright me has been sucked out of my body-skintight. But I am still sane and fun, I'm just refilling the ones that got sucked out. And that's a lot of positive energy. So dear miss Afina, party on. After all it's all sex, drugs and Rock n roll aint it? hah, but I would skip the drugging part and keep on rockin like a child who just got his first perfect solo. Live and on stage.

Wolves on the hunt

Okay so you get the message. spread the words. Shewolves wants you.

Bonds

A day out with cousins has always been my favourite. Yeah, me, my sister, Ija and Sara went with the heels and dress theme to One Utama yet again. I'm driving this time so it's pretty different from our previous outings. And there were the craves, and temptations for (read as fast as you can) Gladiators, Heels, more heels, a bag I wanted to replace the existing, tones of dresses, BIKINI, which I want for no reason at all, the lingeries, accesories- from earings to beads and plain nothingness, t-shirts, jeans. Owh, and the emergency case of super glue to mend our heels. My feet are badly in need of rest.

But it was fun, the only thing we were lacking were money and time. There were the gossips and the talking and the mind reading that says "I saw what you saw but I saw it first so I own it" -in a friendly manner and absolutely zero heart scratch. I enjoyed it much. Very much. Isn't it a breeze to see how much we have grown, and how our bonds grow with it. I would trade them for nothing, nothing at all. I realise I have deeply fallen in love with these angels, and they are never worth my tears. Because I would never want to or have to cry for them-over them. How I caress myself, that would be the only way I would caress them. They came up with a story.

Wouldn't it be fun if we live next to each other and we could borrow stuffs and give them back any time of day. And would pack our bags and leave when we fight...stop... we never fought. We don't feel it's worthy as the love we build. And that's how we live. That's how we know how we care about each other. Yes, I am glad I have all of you as my family. Much love :)

P/S: Send me photos please those who have it :D

Eid 09

Eid again. Since it's raya, I'm going to blog in Malay. Setahun skali je. And first time ever on blogspot kot :P

RAYA EVE
Raya best gile!!!!! On raya eve, we, the girls... (comprising me, mama, teefa, Ija, Sara, mak lang, ucu n nenek) were all day in kitchen. Sarah masak rendang...(while complaining about minyak terpercik terpercik) ija... oh Ija lari to KLCC. Nenek mesti lah iron chef kan. Tukang command. Me and mama were doing our ultimate raya sandwich cake. Every raya mesti ade. U guys kne datang rumah rase. Sini je ade, orang lain xde. hehe. Oh and nenek made lodeh just for me. haha. bangge gile. nenek risau sangat orang ni makan tu, xmakan ni... semue die ingat. Wahh.. nenek you're the best cook no doubt. Rendang ngan lemang orang meniaga sebelah tu pon kalah :P (betul orang sblh bg rendang, none of us makan. haha. ok fine, cuit sikit). And I kne marah..

Sarah: potong la cantik2 nnt nenek marah.
maklang: potong lurus2...
mama: potong kecik sikit, macam ni. xpayah cantik2 nak makan pon
me: ha? macam ni ok?
(bile dah siap potong carrot)
nenek: EH KNAPE BESAR SGT NI? XCANTIK LA LODEH NENEK
sara: ha kn da ckp nenek nk cantik2. haha
and so fina decided to only focus on the cake dan hal yang tak melibatkan potong memotong.

lesson to learn: to many cook spoils the broth

Okay so all of us were very exhausted that night and me and ija had an early sleep. so whatever happens lepas tu kitorang xtaw la. but I know they ate the cheese cake ucu bought.

RAYA
anak2 dare siap je dah lebih dari 2 jam. Pak ngah and co. dah smpi since subuh lg. haha. lambat gile kitorang. And it's sad that I left my iron at home, so rambut hari raya... not straight, thank god I had it cut. And ofcourse it's a tradition in this family (this starts since Pak ucu ade canon) to have family photos. Tahun ni xde gambar Haji Nasir and co. la. Pak ucu xbuat self-timer. lol. so yeah... Indulge lah gambar-gambar ni

Meet atok and nenek. They're marriage ages 52... comel lg diorang ni. Bukak puase pon nk due2 je... xnk join kitorang :D


Meet mr. photographer, Pak ucu and his family. Ignore Aliff (the boy in blue). Die memang hyper hari2 yang ramai orang :)



This is Pak Ngah's family. Diorang paling awal bangun. Subuh2 dah sampai. Right trisha?


Meet Mak Lang and her kids. Yes, she weighs less then me. I think


And Here's Mak long's family. My family. We go along with the 'Go Green' campaign. aha.


Yeah, and Here are the grandaughters of Haji Nasir. Sorry Aina you takde. You sampai lambat la..

Okay so then we all went to sungai tua. Dulu unyang ade kat situ... and then we part ways to meet the rest of family friends and saudara mara before meeting back at Ulu kelang. Except pak ngah they went back to Kuantan. The next day was a stay-at-home layan tetamu day. Sampai malam. Me and Ija tibe2 ketagih nak makan Ikan kerisi sambal, kesian time kitorang nak makan je dah tinggal sikit gile. Kitorang macam anak kucing tak makan seminggu. Sarah tido sampai malam sebab sakit perut.(Be reminded here die tak mandi dr pagi :P)

Okay so the next day we went back after going to nek ucu's open house. Somewhere near Bangi.. Because after that dad went to visit his friend/cousin (im not sure) in Bangi. haha. Siap boleh sembahyang kat surau seksyen 3 lagi. ade satu rumah lawa on the way. hee.

So today was Shah Alam's house visiting day. So we went to ours, nek andak's and nek teh.And then raya di SACC. Pastu sesat One Utama. Gare2 nak cari prom dress tifa. Which she found and costs more then any dress/leggings/jeans/shirts i ever bought. RM300???!!!! Takpe my future's bright, I can see me borrowing the dress. hehe. Lepas ni boleh mintak mama sponsor my leather pulak lah. hehe. Pastu makan kt Fish &Co. I think my newly gained weight of 38.5 tu dah naik balik jadi 40 kot. or more. Err, actually before I started writing i have this thick funny incidents tapi dah gelak sendiri dah lupe dah which one's which :P Next time maybe.

Oh here's one last photo of me, tifa, sara and ija before zooming to One Utama with aunties. You can't see the face but I still love this photo

Yeah, thare is one major dissapointment this raya. WE didn't get to see THEM whom we seem to seek each and every raya. Where have you guys been hiding? It's not like we see you everyday. Cari kat Lim Kok Wing nnt. haha. No serious, aren't you gonna come see us or let us come see you like you guys did every raya? Betul tak Sarah? haha.

Aftermath

After two years of blogging, this is finally my 100th post. When actually, I've typed in more. But they got rejected by my dashboard and some stays unpublished to my liking. Life has been a breeze.

And to celebrate this episode of peace comes exhaling the rusted coil that has long separate the beauty of life, I cast rejoice to the love that finally won the war.

I put a totem, for the petals that fell dead will remain memories of the new-birth and be reborn.

And the scars that marks itself eternally, will be a reminder of the cause.

And the enemies bound like parasites will never be neglected but marks as hazardous to the healing soldiers.

And I present the rest to the undertaker, to bury the sorrow and fears before the sun sits down upon its knees.

I vow my prayers. And hope He knows my appreciation and apology.

Apology, for I once neglect the creator, when He never neglects his creation.

And the everlasting celebration, before more battles and rage shows, will be faced with courage at heart, and help from above.

And suffering at stake before savouring nirvana, is the only right way to live and to not take it for granted.

Dawn of a new day

And every life starts when you open your eyes so early in the morning. Well I woke up a few minutes before afternoon. But I slept at 5 so it wasn't that bad. Then had a slight heart attack. blame my fingers for so-oh-willingly clicking that web page and getting drowned in excessive, unneeded deteriorated feelings. Resentment. But hey, it's only a beginning right? And I had my share of life and that talk I never thought I would get the chance to have. So everything is fine with me. And I believe more than everything now that god is being fair to those who are being patient and never gives up one's hope on Him. And my friends are being the pillar I need to stand still, to never push me aside and always making space for me. So I am thankful, that life has its fair agenda on me. And I know we have to make the best out of anything given. So life chose to give me a setback. And if the only thing I could do is patiently penetrate it, then I would give my best so. And since time can't be bent, then let it be mend. I would stitch it into a fine thing that will give a future helping hand. I learned, and still am. And the present tells me enough fact the life is beautiful. Embrace it, and it will give it's gift to you.

Manuscripts

1. A song you never get bored of:
Velvet Revolver's Slither. It pumps your adrenaline way to the tip of your brain and makes it goes down like a roller coaster in you vein. I like the part where we can scream, "HEY!"

2. A song you listen most to at the moment.
Humanity. Because the world really needs more love. Seriously, random wars shouldn't exist and the innocent deserve their right to live and do their deeds.

3. Your theme song.
For the moment it would be, Girls Made Of Heavy Metal by Hysterica. I'm a proud supporter of all-girls band. Especially the rough and sexy :) haha.

4. A song that sends chills to your spine:
It has to be You Raise Me Up. my hair stands straight everytime I sing it in choir, like it automatically sends thousands of flying needles to your heart.

5. A song you love singing to:
I sing to the songs I know. But if I had to pick a favourite, I would say The Donnas's Fall Behind Me.

6. A song you wished you could sing and perform:
That has to be I Fought The Law, Big Dirty Band's version. Because Care Failure looks smokin' hot in the clip. And I don't mean the lady-like hot. I mean the rock version. But my voice sucks I know...Moving on :P

7. A song you're proud of:
Southeast Skies and Khianati Kejora. haha. Ofcourse this, it's my band's songs. It's SHEWOLVES.

8. A song you would put on your blog at this moment:
White Flag by Dido. Though I don't intend of putting any at this moment. But Dido's nice. I love Dido.

9. A song you wished you created:
I wished I wrote Looks That Kills. haha. Although, it obviously is a guy's perception of a girl. Who cares, I still wish it was me who wrote it.. ah.. the wish that will never ever come. Next question.

10. A song from your childhood:
You Gotta Be by Desiree. I think I first heard it from Dad's stereo. Since he loved the light 'n' easy station. But it's a spirit lifter up till today.

11. A song for Friday night:
Friday Night by Lily Allen. Hah, this was a good one.

12. A song you listen to secretly:
Doesn't make sense but.. I secretly love jazz. Oh now it's not a secret. It never was anyway.

13. A song you're listening to:
Desiree's You Gotte Be. You know I used to think it was Shania Twain's song

14. A song you never thought you'd like:
Die Mannequin's Happy. Did I? Nah... I've always loved rock songs. and the 90's and the 80's and jazz.

15. A song to describe you:
I have no idea what song would be able to describe me.

16. A song on your phone:
Rusty Nail made famous by X-Japan. It's my ringtone. After I changed it because the previous ringtone was similar to Mecha's and we got confused on whose phone is ringing :P

17. A favourite live-performed song:
I have a few, but I love Guns'n'Roses live Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll. I think it was performed together with the Chinese Democracy uncompleted album... wait... I think so. I'm not so sure.

18. A movie soundtrack:
How Do I live Without You, the theme song for Con-Air. The movie made me cried. What? He was so determined to see his wife and daughter.

19.A song you would listen before you go to bed:
Leaving On A Jet Plane. It's nice to have some calm tunes that soothes the earbuds before leaving reality and stepping into dream world.

20. A song you would always remember.
Selena's Dreaming Of You. I've liked it since I was 7.

A ray of hope

I guess sometimes we can't always have our hopes too high.
It'll crash you down. But I'll find my ways to stand back on my feet again.
It's the past that makes us stronger right?
So be it. I believe there's still happiness somewhere in the middle of the mouldy rock.

Love, a rock song

Love is like an active volcano.
Nobody knows when it erupts but everyone gets ready for the worse. And when it's lava touches the ground, massive damage will be done and chaos strikes the ground. But the aftermath of the survivors are greater. The lava gives the soil enough protein for plants to grow healthy. Seriously, there's no avoiding fights in love. But if you survive it, then a better return is what you'll get.

Love is like mixed chocolate sold at the supermarket.
You can pick your favourite box. But you can't choose to only want the raisin choc and throw away the almond fillings. There's a solution to chocolates though, you can just by the single flavor. But hey, there's no such thing as single-flavoured human. There's always that something you like and a few you despise. And the only solution is finding the chocolate box with the most favourite flavour of yours. And just just savour the few flaws..

Love is like your new found favourite dish.
Once you've taste it, you want it everyday. It'll be your breakfast, tea time, lunch, dinner and supper. And you'll tell yourself you can never get bored of it. Until eventually the taste buds gets sick of it. But you can never hate this dish. After a few distinct dishes, you'll eventually go for the favourite dish again. The only difference is, you can't have variety of dishes in love at that time gap of taste-bud-healing. Maybe fasting, or diet is a better option to go for.

Love is like a rock song.
It starts like a roller coaster thumping your heart, you just feel the urge to jump and fly.
(That's the first half of a relationship)
Then there's the lyrics where you really listen to so you could understand the song better.
(That's when you get serious and get to know each other)
Then there's the chorus that keeps repeating.
(That's where you keep reminding each other of your love)
Then it gets complicated with the chords accompanying a tremendous solo.
(That's the argument point)
Sometimes they make it long and as messed up as it can be. Sometimes they keep it short.
But they all eventually dissolve and your heart would thump again, in a very different notion from the beggining.
(That's when you start a fresh new phase of a relationship. It will never be the same as how it started.)

Bold Notice

To whom ever it may concern. I appreciate that you love to jot down notes on my topsy turns of life. Well here is my advice. You can and I can never stop you from wandering how I am doing. But to make it easier. I am happy and content with how I'm living. what I'm doing. And there's a reason why the past is called P-A-S-T. So quit worrying about it. Leave myself to handle myself. And here's one big fat obvious clue. You can never be apart of what I am doing. I have my family and TRUE friends and boyfriend (if this concerns you a lot) and obviously there is no you. So thank you. I appreciate that you love my way of life or anything that slids in it. And you can tell the world what my past is. But you are a nobody to tell me about anything in my present and future life.

a nobody can never jeopardise me.

Time gap

I just got sucked in by a time machine. And hey, surprise, surprise. Just as I was about to enter near future the machine jammed. So my body's stuck in between present and soon-to-be. I guess you can guess that I'm doing my deed of killing silence. My afternoon class got cancelled, without notice. So the only thing I am capable of doing, is blogging. I still have another two full hours to go before my other class starts. I keep telling my brain to work. I think I got swallowed by the slouch disease. Everything I do seems to be in slug speed. I want to finish off college real soon and am constantly cursing on the fact that I am not progressing accordingly. Urgh, I need to learn to learn. My progress meter has dropped excessively, I used to produce wide smiles. Now I feel like I am falling in the speed of light and nearly have the stone-cold pavement on my face. Somebody prescribe me learning pills please.

I wish I could come up with a title

So there it was written. Holidays mean rests. Well, I hate given rests. Oh somehow I miss knowing what my good friends are doing and how they've been. Ask me what I'm doing. Im doing fine. My band is moving at top speed which is bizarre. So I am great. Apart from the stinging ache around my waist thanks to hormonal changes. I don't usually put up with period pains. But this ache, they love kissing my bones. Not good for me at all. I often wish I could clench them and twist them so they'd produce the "crack" sound and I could go Oooo-la-la mi vida i complita. Seriously right now, it's how I feel. Oh well, college is starting soon enough. Catching-up moments, I won't miss. But I think the real break-point here is... the results. Oh how I wish I am Beethoven right now. Or whoever who created the four-part writing. Why do you have to make it so confusing? My wires are at hayes here.

Obsession.

If you've been with me. You would know that I obsess on something called Thunderbird. The first time I saw it in the television, that purple classic convertible with a soaring-wings-shaped hood. I fell in love with it. Immediately. I asked my mom, what's it called this car? Cause when I was five, I only knew of 3 cars. That is a red Volvo we cruised in in Manchester, the Mercedes that grew up with me, and the old Toyota my grandpa drives. Mom confidently said, that has to be Thunderbird. My brain copied that with a small note attached- i am going to own this car one day. So I never thought of searching it on the internet. I barely knew how to use it at that age. Up until today. Because Mom says its a Thunderbird. For the first time I searched on this obsession's images. Just to find exactly what model it is. To find out, the Ford Thunderbird, looks nothing like what I saw when I was five. And got devastated. So I searched on all the classic convertibles. I didn't know why but Chevy crossed my mind. So I ogle for it on Wikipedia. There it was. The 1959 Chevy Impala Convertible. Well it somehow have the features of my dream car. But not quite right. So i ogled again and there it was, the '59 Cadillac Coupe Deville convertible. Gosh I I'm going to own it one day. For a second there I thought I could happily sing "in the backseat of my chevrolet". Eventhough technically it's a two-seater. But well, Cadillac here I come. Maybe if Im a gazillionaire I'd buy that 59 Chevy as well :)

So meet Chevy. Disney's Cars designed one of their cars to look like this. Except that it's purple. I thought it was the one. Than I found the other one.

The '59 Cadillac Coupe Deville Convertible. Gorgeous right? Im gonna have one in purple :)
Look at its tail.

Look at those tail flaring. Smokin' hot. And mine's going to be just like that. Only in Purple :)

larger than life

I probably am late in writing about him, and probably amongst the billions. But I think I finally have found what I really had to say about the King of Pop. Having to view his memorial service, just confined me, he had befriended the world, and he was big at heart. He was a star, making millions and affording luxuries, yet he gave to those in deep need. He could've talked about his success, yet he spread messages about peace, about unity. He was the largest humanitarian. He didn't do deeds to gain spreads in the press, but he truly reach out to every individual, in ways we never would have realised. Though some hated him for that, he never stopped fighting. Though he was badly misjudged, he smiled until no anguish could be sensed. Although he was flooded with bad feedbacks, he never despise those who started it. The things he did, the strength he possessed, really had made him a hero. And I, am just one of the sea of people that was inspired by his actions. His meaningful music, his body language on stage, his activities to spread humanity will forever be continued, by the children he had helped in giving a better future. He will forever live as a hero, an icon, an inspiration deep down in our hearts core. There's a better way to look at this lost. Maybe god took him early, so that he will no more have to endure the pain he hid from the world.

Without you, there'll be no such thing like moonwalk.

"We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die"
-Heal the World

We love you MJ, you'll forever be our inspiration

Look through

A post of no reason absolutely this is. I just when through a day of laziness. Life, realizing this a few days ago, is moving fast. Really fast, and I'm afraid I'm not ready for what's coming. I'm already in college. Nothing new yeah. But Im already a year here. I wonder for how long will I stay. I mean, this isn't high school where failure can be mend. It's a do or die world Im living and it costs money. Music is my all-time path. Yet, it never is easy. I keep telling myself to focus more, concentrate and be serious but the mantra last only up to an hour. Before I even get the urge to start again. And to be reminded, my ABRSM exam is less then 30days. An absolute reason with no failure attachment. Can't do it. I need to find the button. One that will leave me striving. And that is my study life. Or so to realise, it ain't permanent. I'll eventually graduate and I'm going to pay for my own food very soon. I sort of freak out everytime I have this picture. I've been fed by mom and dad. It's them for food, gas, and everything. Then one day, I'm going to be living myself, supporting myself. The only pocket money I'll earn is the one coming out from my pay-check. Pay-check? I can't even help but to wonder what would be my means of earnings. And if you think I am so snuggling myself and haven't had the taste of hardship, well suck it up because if you're a teen, then we're the same. WE have no idea of what the world really looks like. And eventhough we hate to admit it, our parents are always behind us every single day of our teen life. We rely on them by all means. So it's time to wake up and say grace to have them and to realise we're going to switch place with them very very soon. Then it'll be our turn to pay the house, car, eccetera. And I might have no idea what you'r thinking but I want my parents to have a cosy life, just like how they had embraced me with. Though life little girl. Grow up now.
Shewolves is slowly driving into progress. I'm seeing visions of us. If Shewolves works well, which I hope will more than anything, then I can kiss my worries goodbye. Because, everything would fit into my plan of construction. Then again, an early kickstart ain't easy. Whatever it is, I know there's this one angel that'll help me through it all :) This angel I found hiding in college. So i guess a rough start does turn out well, depending on our beliefs :)

the pledge

The devil ripped my soul and lock it in his tiny fiery cage. To have it back, I am now working as a ghost. Think Casper, only less cute. I am directly touch-through, I walk through walls. I don't eat and contrary to popular belief, I do not live under your bed, or in the closet. Specifically I am homeless. I roam the sky. To keep my soul alive I am feeding my heart to the hell-keeper. Yes, the were tore, ripped, swallowed like rabbis rats and then they form again to be ripped again. But I don't participate in pain. Neither my body nor my soul. I made a deal with the devil to make me pain-proof. Ofcourse, I am not haunting. I work like I always do, only that I'm not seen. See, the devil made me a pretty good bargain. By all means I am normal. Just without a soul

the log

Of what should have been me who gets to answer, has been me who had to ask. And I will not tell of my glory. Neither any of my falls. I am not an open book. And I sense that you got overwhelmed in a very crooked way. I am the log that got washed by the sea. And I am not cold but bloated. I stay for any creature to rest and make me shield, of the wave that washes the shells off shore. But I am a log. Those who don't examine will never know of me. And it stays that way. Welcoming to no restrictions, yet no intentions of speedy revelations.

the little weekend crash.

The archaic female gender belonging to the ordinary family tree. The best of friends. The best of laughs. Between honest heart moments and sneaky gossips. Between late night pizzas and afternoon breakfast :P Between cellphones and snail mail. between the rightfully innocent to the super craze. Since Montessori to the almost adulthood. Still strong. Always is. I love you girls. Always will be.

A thought

Woke up at 10 today. Well, a few minutes after it strikes 10. Woke up sleepy. But had to do it since if i don't mama will use her ultimate power of talking some sense on me :P We went for breakfast and straight to the mall. Ofcourse, needless to say, the most exciting part is that, everything is free. aha. But i told myself in 10years I'll be the one paying it all up for them, since they've given me more than enough. Yeah, I think parents made the greatest sacrifice.(Trust me, even though they nag when you ask for money, they will eventually still give it to you. And eventhough they have their hours crunched with works, they'd still make time to pick you up from wherever you are or just to help you with your work. And no matter how relentlessly tired they are, they would still sit on the couch at night waiting for you to come home safe. Well I know my parents does these things I wrote)So in conjunction with the everything-will-be-payed-for, I bought myself a Motley Crue DVD (yes I did! I wanted to buy KISS as well but oh well. next time maybe)Then I bought this white Los Angeles sweatshirt and a girl's boxer (Mama pays too) I bought it because it was pretty (as in my definition of pretty- unique and exquisite and rare and pretty)and it was less than RM30. Then my sister willingly shove her ass into Momoe with my mom and me following along. And then I saw this fine black boot-designed sneakers. I just took a peek, observing it actually. Then mama looked at the price. The pair was less than 50. A fine, pretty (yet again) and not expensive thing! Mama asked if I wanted it and I don't say no to the things I love :). But I asked her if its okay since I've spend quite an amount. She said, it's not like its always. And now i own the pair of sneakers.(If there's something I notice about my mom, when she's happy and she starts spending, it's kind of hard to stop, she will become so generous(:I got that attitude too from her)Then we went on for groceries and sushi.

So me and my sister bought some stuffs. So does my dear little brother. He bought himself a dumbell weighing 8lbs. which is heavy. and some ankle weighs( I dont know what they call it, but it's suppose to strengthen your leg ankle, everything) He's building up, toughening up. Yeah, my brother has grown. fast. I remembered like it was yesterday when he used to wake up early in the morning and become the newspaper fetcher, When the newspaper is his size, his height. Now she already has a girlfriend whom she's excited about. He busted in the kitchen with a happy face while I was cooking myself dinner just to tell me about it :)(cousins, if you're reading this, this stays between us. not a word to the uncles and aunts and grands or he'll be so pissed. aha)

Yup. as for myself, I'm growing too. My sister joked during breakfast, saying I'll no longer be a teen. I'm 20 next year. Yes I am, Uh.. I am (Eventhough I won't be 20 until November next year). That is so close to adulthood. Somewhat scary. But, it also means closer to my dreams. I hope. But I'm confident I am getting closer. Since the day I got Dinasour beside me, my dreams just seem to paint themselves one at a time. Yeah, he gives me confidence. and hope too. I guess god is treating everything fairly and life is treating me oh-so-fine. But I think god would still let me swallow some bitter, and salvage some lost, so that I don't get too high I forgot the Almighty. It's a good think I don't always taste sweet. Because eventually if you taste it all the time, the sweetness would fade, then the taste bud will not receive the delight. Just like how human can't always be happy, I like it that way. Because they make me appreciate, and self-reflect.

the destroyer

the letter of vengeance.

Get over it! Our result were out a month ago. If you would so love to send notices, you would send them a month ago. If you so love to tell student to sweep their ass of their sluggish sit, you should've be more aggressive about it since medieval. I fail a subject. I never failed for 2 semester straight. I failed for the first time. Everyone falls. I am not a robot and I am not your pioneer. Do not aspect me to be one and don't cry your veins out when I don't live up to your dreams. I live up to my sole dream. He fails, she fails, they fail, everyone fails every once in a while. Don't make us sound like losers, because i swear on your kneeling knees that you would be the one to talk about us when we have our own monarch. We came, we learn, we made mistakes and learn more. That's the reason we came in the first place. If we were the great masters, we would have launched our own training temple. Thank you. Your kindness is much appreciated.

Yours truthfully,
Someone who is LEARNING.

Need

Daisies sways like oceans waves. The scent of after rain. A welcome so pleasant you forgot the rushing subway. A stand to toss the winter coat. A cup of coffee and fresh-baked cookies. Waiting, to calm your impulses. A door set ajar, a mat to dry the wet feet. a rocking-chair with new cushions. A fireplace that burns bright. A sofa so soft you almost feel like falling in, bean bags of colours to jump in and off. A warm carpet for body comfort. A bed with clean sheets, with pillows in place and comforters stretched and the teddy bears awaits to be squeezed. Walls of calming colours, the shades of caramel. a stereo, a walk to tuneful melodies. The television, they forecast the memoirs recorded.Neon light from across the street- found its way to inside the hall. through a series of windows, with the blinds half-opened. Just a jumper and socks, or maybe a pair of cute-faced furry slippers. Enjoying the dawn before the dusk seek it's responsibility. Wouldn't that be enough for a moment in time? A chance to escape hectic city. Wouldn't it sound lovely?

music people

My very good friend recorded her materials yesterday and put them up on her myspace. I'm proud of her to have finally taken her step ahead in her goals. I'm proud of all my friends and family. They have made the very best out of themselves, and I am proud to have been one of their thousands pillars. So here goes their link. I liked their songs so I hope you'd like them as much as I do to. This talented dears of mine really had me of my feet for a while with their acoustic sounds.

Safia Atira's music: www.myspace.com/safiafamily
Mecha's music: www.myspace.com/mechanmusic


So hey, indulge =)

staring through

a blank face. a puzzled face. eyes that stared so deep it choked it's beholder to minutes to end. eyes that glare but sees nothing. lips that churn but swallowed a vacuum. Expressive facial muscle but undetermined by nature. the sound of air was heard, yet no breathing took place. A live body but a dead soul. Strong knees now unused and folded. Feeble and vulnerable with no lust to walk nor stand. A scream that fades in a tick no ears could detect. A visible wound camouflaged with skin. Ears that listen but no words made through. A sense to touch, yet nothing felt. An urge to breakdown, but couldn't, wouldn't squeeze its way out. Adrenalin that shoots straight up, held back by the leftovers of sanity. An image of a searching, lost little kitten. An image derived from the peace and chaos that were fighting for a place, a space in the little, timid body. A perfect picture of an insane outburst.

photo tags

Kak Aisyah tagged me using one that needs me to pick up a photo from my sixth photo album. The only deformation is that, it doesn't exist. I only have three albums and the rest are scattered for my easy-viewing. So here's the offspring of your tag :- a list of my favourite photos with a list of my life's VIP.

Fav photo of mom and dad.
Taken during the visit to Strawberry Farm in Korea last year.
I prefer a photo of them holding new-born me in their arms. But I couldn't get the photo scanned to the net :)

Fav photo with sibs.
Also in Korea.

Fav photo with cousins.
Snapped during Aina's birthday celebration in Curve.

Fav photo with friends.
This was Kutthroat on the way to Melaka.

My favourite family photo.
This was Raya last year in my grandparent's house.


And this has always been my favourite self picture
Macx took it on the rooftop of Carefour

So there. My precious photos shared. This moments aren't repeatable so this photo helps me remember and reminisce the times I've had with the people I love.

Placebo

It's 2.40 in the middle of the day. I'm still in bed. Bathed though and had my breakfast, which to me seem a little too awkward. Since if I'm at home, I don't eat until it's almost dawn. But yet here I am, in front of this screen, with ears filled with sound waves of Poison's Talk Dirty To Me. While my eyes, they cant stop glaring at the Pet Society's pet going back and forth. If you put it together, it looks like my pet and Bella's are dancing to the song. It's calming. Like watching the tiny ballerina figurine inside your music box dancing to the classic piano tunes. This morning I attempted to play Donnas's Fall Behind Me. Again, I was aspired by Staind's acoustic song, which I vulnerably forgot the title, and found myself a new tune, unfinished though. While I was writing this, I was talking to Tira, I somewhat miss her presence. The air isn't as the same colour since she left college. Unseemingly, I have nothing to update and talk and blurb about. Nothing as intersting than a result slip awaiting this Saturday. I guess I'm going to take my dose of lets-do-nothing pills until I got back to my senses. Or maybe I should take one of those placebo just so it could lie to my brain and tell me I'm perfectly fine and active. :)

exaggeratte

I had to tell you just this single thing. Would you care to acknowledge? Well because if you do, you should read further. I had bewildered my mind in search for sinister words and criticism in a lighter way. But the words failed to merge. I had tried to find words to make it seems less sarcastic, but it turned out gimpy instead. Up to this part, I think I should confess. What I'm about to tell, is not sinistral, nor is is sarcastic. Maybe just pure distorted feelings? I guess what I am trying to say is (Clearing my trachea and inhaling as much air as I could then releasing it again) My car broke down. (Smile until all my teeth can be seen) Be mad. For I have used that much of line for describing. Lets dig deeper. Latest news from my dad, the water pump broke. (Sounds like a pregnant woman on the edge of giving birth saying "my water just broke") That's his facial expression when he said it. So here i thereby pronounce, (Knock twice using the judge's hammer, maybe using the judge's wig as well) I pronounce the accused (which is me, claimed sinned for not filling in the radiator's water by dinasour *because I never cared about the car or it's engine, I just cared about driving* :D) Pronounced the accused not guilty. Woo-hoo (crowd cheers) If I were to give a speech it'll sound like this: Forgive me for not caring dear car, I'd be more thorough about you next time. I know, in the end you would say, Fina is such an exaggeratting brat. But who would care? It's my blog :D

forward

Put yourself on the highway. You'd notice. the arrow would always point up front. Or sometimes, they'd give you signals to the left or right. Choices you would decide. Path that you would take. When you're driving, when vehicles are moving fast, there's no way for you to push the break pedal. You can't stop in the centre of the road can you? You could, but you'd get honked. If you get noticed. Or you could be attempting suicide, and if you're planning on an emergency brake, you might tag along the people behind you. All you could do is between accelerate or slowing down, or maybe you could stop on the emergency lanes, but still how big is it? How long would you stop? Let alone, there's no emergency lanes in life is there? Time doesn't stop, the more you try to make it seem slower, the more you're losing. I learned through a movie today, everything that had slowed you down, If it hadn't been that way might change some things in a good cause.
Yeah, I went and watched Benjamin Button, the guy who aged backwards. That might sound sweet. But he died an infant and not remembering any facts at all on the adventures of his life. Those he loved and lose and left behind, his first time on the piano, the places he went, even the baby steps he took- he forgot it all. If in anyway, a man could choose to age backwards or not, I wont join the league. There's no fun to it. There's a reason to why we age older and why time moves forward. Memories are to be reminisced and maybe kept in an album or myspaces but never to be repeated. It's part of constructing the sweet part of it. If you keep living it over again, you'd tire and the suppose-to-be-memories will fade slowly. Just like how slowly you began to forget your childhood plush toy. Things, no matter how hard you try to make it come alive again, will never resemble what you had had and done and went through. You could go for a holiday and do it again. But everytime you repeat it, some things would change. I know, as a fact that it's okay to change. Its okay to grow. It's okay to not be able to do some things again. Because that is when you start appreciating everything you do and did.

music-box

She loves being surrounded by zaniness. Where people clown around and the concrete hall was never at ease. All her acquaintance would see her as the girl with no hormonal effects. She doesn't smirk, does not pull a face, does not throw tantrums and doesn't act snobbish around anyone. The only thing she would do is maybe returning back smiles in her own favor. There is no way of telling if she's under her pre-menstrual cycle or not, simply because she was never moody. Not among her friends. The traits she left them with was the feeling synonymous to the word happy. Not necessarily calm, but she was never flipped. Never had a change to a sudden melancholic look. That though, does not make her any different. All her pain and angst and agony even were shuttered in her self-made music box, hid underneath towers of laughter and comical acts. And sometimes when she's in her room alone, She would remove the lock of the box and made it vacant. Hiding under her blankets, she would let loose of this hidden dark feelings, sometimes she accompanied them with tears and sometimes just a stray silence. Then when it's all gone, she would let down her eyelids and put the now vacant box aside. Waiting it to be filled with yet another set of dysphoria. Sometimes when the box went over-flowed, she would exhibit her feeling to a pal. Not in hope of making a settlement or covenant or anything like it, just to be consoled and to have a shoulder to lean and ponder. Then when her morose are sedated, she would just want someone to clean up the tears and mend the bits of her that's left. But even if she fails to do so, she would always just go back to her friends with her normal behavior-the giddy girl people recognize her to be.

again

my dearest ladies tagged me. So I'm bound to answer these tags questions. Just because I'm caught up in an absolute plain situation. Only I'm not answering in bullets or numerical form. So here goes the tags:-

I am at the moment cold thanks to the air-conditioner. So ask me again, am I hot? My impulses says Im not in any condition of feeling hot at all :) Now here's my favourite piece of self photo and I would be utterly glad to calm your curiosity of the question-tag why. If you look clearly you will notice me without the aid of mascara, eyeliners, eccetera. That is the look that only those really close will get to see. Some addition and facts, I've been told I look innocent with no make-up help. In most photos, I would make faces, I love to smirk and i don't mind the lines thank you. Try and refine those lines with machines and you will look like a drag queen. That goes to all the yougsters. You're young, you don't need any sorts of refinements (accept for pimples :P). Stop hating yourself and just laugh whenever you feel like it. I am in this photo too, promoting twisties. I love my food but sadly I haven't had pizzas in quite a long, long time. But that's okay because my current crave is for peanut butter and jelly and spicy mint. Which reminds, I just had toast with peanut butter and jelly. It was heaven when I was indulging it while my ears were banging to Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It. There fore I had my stomach filled and now I am stuffing all my stuffs back in my bag. I had it washed yesterday. Yeah, I am also thinking if i would prefer any names beside mine. Well, why not? I already have a few nicknames. But just a reminder, don't spell my name wrong. I get pissed off. My name is by far short enough and it would not take your whole memory cells to remember.

So did I answered all the tagged question Sara and Aina? I won't tag because I don't have the questions pasted here. But that was sweet of you guys to notice about my relationship with dinasour. :) I find it cute.

downfall

A letter from a humble knight. States her lost of war, and lost of raid. In an almost-fade ink, there lies the truth of her downfall. For this knight believed in a convincing comrade. For this knight went without army nor shield, neither was there any shining armor nor sword. For the faith given was wrapped with dignity and pure belief. Only to be scratched and teared by those filthy hyenas. For the knight was a she and for that she wasn't secure. And so her fortress built crashed down and bowed and obeyed to the greed and comfort of her comrade. Her supporting arms abandoned the war. Alone. Selfishly. And as the comrade change its name to foe, so she built a tomb to sacred her kindness. Like the fading dusts of the after war, her soul and beliefs perished to the underworld. The enemy at hand was let loose and set free. And the horizon of what should be cheers and rejoice now turns to a solemn, mourning sky. And with all the agony, she gathered her bits of strength. To return home and pledged never to combat in this risky cold war.

Home was her final destination and home was far. Out of all her misfortunes, she found her wounds were healed and cured and she was somewhere safe. For someone had bought her an antidote and someone was so divine. For someone had took pity on her and had cover her tears with a warm and cosy laughter. For her bruised dignity was cured and she was taken far from the sight of her collapsed fortress. Only for a second would she wish to know a reason for such evil. But only to be reminded of how a fool she had been, and how lucky she had become.

awareness

Some facts and precautions on the Cunts virus:

• Cunts are pretentious. They call themselves acquaintance but tries hard to make you fall flat.
  
• Cunts steal your limelight just because you are the reason to fame and friends.
• Cunts are prestigious actors. They can make a blur face when the incident gets worst.
• Cunts are ugly. They love the ugly bits about you and they will sure to spread it like it's a sin not to.
• Cunts are terribly annoying to the point that it's useless to even scream at their face.
  
• Cunts have huge ego. They love to think they are like Gandhi, the peace warrior.
• Cunts think they're wise. So wise they could tell the rights from all the wrongs in the world.
• Cunts love your sleazy bad habits because it would make their stories sell up to the market.
  
• Cunts love to make you look bad, because it will make them feel better. Thus, proclaiming themselves the neighborhood hero.
  
• Cunts are filthy people. They get jealous at your achievements and they have the tendency to wanting to destroy your every pieces.
• Cunts have medieval gestures. They go by the motto "I always get my trophy, therefore I am a winner". Sex Pistols didn't get a trophy, but they made history. Cunts will not be able to recognize that. They promote learning malfunction.
  
• Cunts love to leave trails because they need a troupe of followers; so they can always lead.
  

If you happen to see Cunts wandering around, please contaminate yourself. It's virus could either kill, or bring you to living hell. Cunts are indestructable and the cure hasn't yet been found. To be in contact could be fatal. Please don't stay in touch with those affected. :)

daily bits

I can say I'm quite driven today. I shockingly finish my assignment. Not just literally, but I took into account what I actually was writing about. Yes, I read the whole article, even took myself to an imaginary tour to the classical era and embellish my self with those fine lavish evening gowns walking down the aisle, riding the horse-carriage to the opera. I actually did that, all the way until my assignment reached the end. Then I went and have lunch. I skipped breakfast, since I woke up late. Then I thought of calling these two people, yes, the none other bestie and dinasour. But i guessed they wouldn't have gotten up yet. Since I live surrounded by people that live by the rule, "When the sun is right above your head, close your eyes and pretend it's night". Its shocking if either one would wake up so early when they have the whole day unplanned :)
So I dunk my ears in my headphone and listen to all the fast-paced, abrupt tempo changing songs on my playlist. I keep wishing I could play as good at that. Then I got tired of wishing. I got up, plugged in, and I was on my guitar. Only to find out that it badly needs a change of strings. We went along however. I practiced some songs, I listened to songs and tried to follow. Then praise myself just to boose my confidence. Comparing myself between minutes gaps. Trying hard to be better. Then I felt tired. So I took my bath. Then indulge myself in all those oils and lotions and soap. Whatever that sooths. Then, the sun sets and it's night. So now I am, again, writing. Before my eyes fall and it's time for bed and tomorow takes place. (:

serenity

lets step away from this sidewalks and sway.
lets dive down deep in this unknown tales.
lets say our cheers and bury our solemn memories.
lets take the wheel and steer to a series of lost and founds

Because the rainbow's growing pale
and the rain falls as snow.
lets build a shelter where it blooms
where love spreads wild and its enemy extinct.

let the angels overtake.
let the devils vow to conviction.
let the shadow plays ends itself.
let there be no mask just pure hearts.
if there is still bits left of it, let it reborn to serenity.

because nobody refuse yet nobody puts a head up.
because the truth is known but never spoke off.
nobody admits being coward.
but hid beneath their luxury.
because nobody cares and everyone is blind.

lets turn a fresh page on this old-torn book.
let it be another story with a happy ending.
let it be hard to believe, let it be fairy tales.
lets not lost our souls to the those haunting creatures.
lets be the epitome of life in serenity.

i do not know what's on my head while writing. all i know is, the world has to much hatred to handle. let's give it a peace of mind. and now im a social activist. nah, im just saying. lets do more loving and less hating.